This Call is Not the End
by Revolver OtaconAj
Summary: Four year's after Shinichi's murder and Conan's disappearance, Ran strives for answers. But can she handle the truth once she grasps it?
1. Prologue: Last Words of Shinichi Kudo

When she received the call, Ran's heart exaulted and flew out of her chest.

 _They… They…. They said to me he could be dead._ Tears came draining out unbidden, the dam holding the saline behind her breaking into pieces.

She was careful to hold back her sobs so her father wouldn't wake up. He lied on the couch, crumbled and crimpled over himself, snoring against his waist with beer cans surrounding him strewn all over the place, the amount of liquid contents ranging from a couple drops to empty.

Dad was many things but he sure as heck didn't waste booze. Ran didn't know whether she should have added the adjective "good" in that sentence because she had no intention what so ever to drink, even when she turned twenty.

With Conan gone and her dad unconscious there wasn't really any need to make a fancy meal. So she heated up some Ramon and had a rather lonely dinner.

Ran had always appreciated Conan but never before had the shadow of his presence loomed over her like this. Her father tried but Ran was forced to admit that he wasn't as good as he should be. Conan could be a bit precocious and his curiosity could get him killed. But Conan was also a good listener, always sought to make her feel better, all on top of being a human teddy bear.

Conan had been there when the reporters ambushed her. Ran remember that they were a motley yet somehow uniform group of mostly men, who all shouted the names of their newspaper and television station over bright flashes. All of them swarmed her with questions about Shinichi. A few well placed kicks mostly dispersed the crowd, but some still kept on.

"Mouri-san! Is it true that Kudo Shinichi was murdered by the mob?" A middle aged reporter with straight hair and glasses screamed over

Her fiery disposition was snuffed out just like that as she registered the absurdity of what he just said. "What?"

They all tried to talk over each other at once, taking Ran a couple minutes just to understand what exactly was going on. Apparently, there were rumors that Shinichi, while looking into suspicious activity was poisoned, directly from criminal sources.

At first Ran was calmed, if rather irritated and explained that she has seen Shinichi herself. Oddly enough Conan-kun had gone white, which pissed her off even more.

But as they pressed on with the questions, Ran's sure and steady knowledge was beginning to become confused as the reporters had pointed out holes in Shinichi's story that she hadn't thought about.

Some of them, she accidentally gave them herself. If Shinichi was on a "case" like he said why was he keeping silent?

If Shinichi was really alive why did he always call her at random intervals? Or why did he want to keep his name out the paper and reports?

Did she even know Shinichi _was_ Shinichi? Perhaps it was someone disguised as the teen to keep up appearances?

And the most damning of all the questions was, "If Shinichi was alive, why was he treating his family and friends like this?

On defense, Ran had yelled at all of them, calling them a liar, saying that they were upsetting Conan, telling them to shut up, before finishing with the fact that she had just talked to him last week, and would now a fake Shinichi from the real one.

Now, just thinking about the questions made her sick. She felt guilty that she did believe them, even if briefly and not exactly for the reasons the reporters said.

They all had an answer for her rebuttals but Ran had put her hope in the fact that she knew who her best friend sounded like. Surely they couldn't disprove that right?

But then one of the young women from NHK pulled out some sort of square device that looked like a tape recorder. She plugged it in a microphone and suddenly the young woman was talking in Ran's voice. Then another reporter snook up behind and make a perfect imitation of Shinichi's voice.

Ran begun to tremble, as all the pieces had came together. It didn't happen all it once, mostly when she was walking home. She didn't really believe that Shinichi was dead but what she now _did_ believe wasn't doing that Holmes otaku any favors.

Conan had been there, like a little knight bespectacled Knight. He quickly got in front of them, kicking rocks at them and yelling "Go away!",The rocks hit rather hard too, busting their camera. She would have to ask Conan whether he wanted her to teach him Karate but she had bigger problems to deal with at the moment.

 _Call Shinichi… Please call!_ She prayed for a response but got nothing.

When she got home after the debacle, she leaned against the wall and cried. Conan had tried to comfort her but that just made her feel worse. In a moment of blind rage she snapped at her ward, regretting the words as soon as they came out.

Ran still remembered how the brief conversation had went.

"I'm sure Shinichi-kun has a good reason-"

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIS REASONS!" Ran yelled, frightening the poor boy. "What case is so important that he has to hurt every last one of us? His friends, his parents, do they even now where he went? He's so selfish… I-I hate him!"

Ran was sobbing the whole time. In retrospect she honestly didn't mean it, she was just so angry, so frustrated, so exhausted. People had tried to hurt not only her, but more importantly her dad, her mom, Conan! A serial killer had tried to kill Sonoko for gods sake!

And all the time he called, he did not even seem concerned… He was just normal, calm, rarely acting like there was a problem at all. She herself had encouraged it, but that didn't make it right.

Did he even know how much Conan idolized him? He imitated his mannerisms almost perfectly, and always sought to defend him. He obviously didn't understand how much of a baka he was!

Conan looked at her with the most heartbroken eyes she would ever glimpse. He was unusually tough for his age and for once he actually acted the part.

Ran's eyes lit up with tears. How could she have taken it out on him? She tried to hug him, tell the poor boy she was sorry. The sad part was that he didn't even cry back, he just mumbled "arigato" and left to go to his room.

That just made her cry more

That was when Ran got a text.

 _ **Ran.**_

 _ **There's something important I need to tell you. I know I've hurt you so much but now it ends. I'll call you after school tommorow. Please forgive me for all I've done.**_

 _ **-Shinichi**_

Ran's heart stopped. That quick, she was back to normal.

She had begun the evening agitated and ready to give Shinichi an _especially_ sharp piece of her mind, maybe even give him a chop through the phone. But now…

The fact that Shinichi was actually coming clean about… Whatever he was going to reveal made her noxious. Shinichi had been want to deal everything on his own, hiding his some of his deepest thoughts even from her. Once during a case, a suspect had tried to kill him after he revealed the guy as a murderer. That same man tried to stab him bur according to Shinichi the cops got there just in time.

It was only later when Shinichi told her that he had a cut on his arm from the same knife that guy used to butcher that poor girl. Shinichi apparently didn't want to worry her. The resulting konk on his head left a dent in his forehead for at least a month.

That was the best case scenario though. What if… What he had fallen in love with someone else? What if he was moving in with his parents? No Shinichi wouldn't do that… Would he?

Ran wagged her head from side to side brushing off the doubts with varying success. It had to be that case, that mystery that somehow puzzled Shinichi to his core. That was one of the things that made her so suspicious. Since when had Shinichi ever been stumped?

But, if it did involve the case that he refused to elaborate on, then it had to be either too dangerous for him, everyone else or both. That made Ran feel even worse. That baka was going to get himself killed!

But he was coming clean now.

Maybe even about more things then the "case".

Ran wasn't an idiot. She had noticed that with a few exceptions, the only times Shinichi called her was when Conan wasn't in her sight. It had correlated so much that despite the impossibility of the whole situation, it had seemed almost certain that Conan…

But that was ridiculous. Despite the clear similarities, Conan wasn't the same as Shinichi. As a kid Shinichi always tried to act older then he was. It was one of the things the people he didn't know him liked to judge him on, thinking that he was nothing but frigid air.

Conan actually acted his age. Though he did like to play detective and was significantly braver then most kids his age, he was still sweet, kind and…

Just then the phone rang

She was lightning quick, her usually dextrous fingers having a bit of trouble opening the phone. "Hello?"

"Ran…" Shinichi croaked

Ran rounded on Shinichi. "Shinichi you baka! Why did you wait so long to call"

Usually for Ran this would be followed with a sarcastic, cocksure remark from Shinichi. That was the dynamic between the two. They argue but in the end they laughed, cried and made up to each other.

The only response here was ragged breathing, heavy wheezes and gagging. Ran knew immediately that something was wrong.

"Shinichi?" Ran whispered in suspense.

"Ran I'm so sorry… There's… So much I wanted to t-t-tell you…"

A madness undertook Ran as she refused to believe what was she was hearing. Shinichi… the baka was crying? When had Shinichi ever cried? Ran racked her brain in an attempt to remember and came up short.

"Y-you can still tell me, just get home and I'll-"

Shinichi interrupted her. "I'm sorry Ran… I'm not coming home."

Ran felt like she was trapped in quicksand. _"_ _What do you mean you're not coming home?"_

Shinichi didn't reply with anything other then ragged breathing.

Ran's emotions burst out all at once. "SHINICHI ANSWER ME!"

Shinichi laughed. So it was a joke… But no it wasn't the same. There was a bitter bite to it instead of the teasing kiss.

"Ran… I'm going to die." Shinichi tried to sound cool but his voice gave away his fear.

The young woman's heart shattered to pieces but she didn't feel it just. Instead she still had hope.

"That isn't funny you baka!" Ran screamed ready to punch Shinichi in his stupid face for making her worry for so long before ringing her up just to tell her a joke in such bad taste.

"No… I'm not jokin-" Shinichi struggled to say but Ran didn't want to hear it.

"Stop it! I told you it wasn-"

"Ran!" Shinichi shouted out in all seriousness, startling the poor teen, "I'm not lying!" He sounded angry but then he gagged and cried some more, apologizing.

When the first doubt emerges when you try to deny that someone you love is not going to live for much longer, it seems rather phantasmagoric, almost dreamlike, somewhat like a ridiculous daydream that so ingrained that it seems real.

That first doubt is always the most painful.

"Please, Shinichi. You're going to come back right. This is just another one of your jokes…" Ran laughed, it was all just some joke, just a bad joke…" She was laughing and smiling despite the lack of humor, Shinichi was really going all out!

But the tears flowing originating from her subconscious said otherwise.

"No… Please stop…" Shinichi sobbed sounding weak, almost like someone _dying_ would sound like...

"Or maybe you aren't Shinichi! Maybe your just some baka pranking me! Tears ran down his pale cheeks. "Please stop, this isn't funny this is sick!"

"No!" Shinichi croaked. "Ran do you remember those bullies who wouldn't leave alone because you didn't have the same patch? Do you remember when we went into school to hunt that ghost? Please don't forget any of it!"

Ran paused, trembling. "Yes…" Ran whispered as a bout of horrible introspection quaked through her brain.

This wasn't a dream. This wasn't a joke. It was certainly a nightmare but she was very much awake. This was real. Shinichi was going to die and there was nothing she could do about it.

Yet Shinichi continues on. It seemed like even dying he talked too much. "Ran… I'll always remember how much fun I had with you. But… I'm afraid. When I die will I forget all that? Will I even remember you or my mom, my dad, Agasa… Anybody?"

She had no words nor did Ran have no idea what to say. Right now she was currently leaving denial and entering the sage of grief.

"There's something I always wanted to tell you, ever since we met. Ran, I love you-"

"Don't say that! Say it to me in person, please!" Ran tried to deny it again but it was much too late for that anymore.

"RANNN!" Shinichi screamed gagging and coughing. "I've lost too much blood, even if an ambulance were to get here I'd die of shock and bloodloss on the way to the hospital. Ran… _Please talk to me!"_

Ran didn't know what to say… So she blurted something stupid out.

"Shinichi… Are you Conan?" That though was edged forward from the back of her mind but she couldn't believe, no, no no, no!

But what remained of denial was slowly collasping in on itself like a neutron star. And the Black Hole that would emerge would suck the life out of her instead of light.

"Please, I need to know, please Shinichi I swear I won't blame you I-I-I under-stand! Shuh-nichi!"

"Nooooo… I'm Shinichi! Please I'm not Conan… I was never Conan…" Shinichi wailed. Ran had completely frozen, she herself with all her senses taken away but for her ability to hear.

"Ran… I need to know… Did you love me back?"

Ran wanted to call the police, she wanted to wake her dad, she wanted to tell Shinichi that she did reciprocate, but it just wasn't coming out. Ran's jaw felt like it was glued shut.

"Please, I need to know!…" Those were Shinichi's last words or at least the last ones anyone else would ever here. If Ran had knew that at the time, she probably wouldn't have remained silenced.

 _Yes_. She wanted to say. _Always_. But something held her back, making her struggle to create any noise other then an unbidden whimper., as Shinichi begged, and begged and begged...

Then the call ended.

Ran could faintly hear the sound of the call toning out as the phone, barely acknowledging the quiet. The empty agency made realize how alone she was. The only sound that appeared to be permitted through the empty room, was her dads snoring and that was starting to become unbearable.

But now Ran was left with some words, that made her finally realized that she would never talk to her best friend again.

 _Ran… I love you._

That was the last time anyone would hear of Shinichi Kudo

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 **File 1001**

 _The next day was also the day Conan Edogawa disappeared off the face of the earth._

 _The incident as it is known, begun with a scream by Ayumi. She had woken up cold from the frigid air even with a blanket and a Yaibaman sleeping bag. It took Ayumi a minute to fully awaken, as she and her friends had stayed up late the night before._

 _When Ayumi drifted out of her slumber, she was blinded by the glare outside the window. Yawning and stretching her arms before holding her hands in her armpits to prevent herself from shivering. She didn't even notice the broken glass before she stepped in it._

 _The shreak resulting from the pain woke up the other two visitors along with the two residents upstairs._

 _That was when Conan's disappearance was first noted._

 _According to Agasa-san, before the police were called, they spent a couple minutes searching the house, almost tearing it apart. The Detective Boys tried calling their friend but his phone didn't appear to be on. But when they went outside to continue their search, they found his broken glasses, a torn off button, and a shorn part of his suit._

 _Of course, the entire department was in a panic. Kogoro Mouri had been a police officer before he became a private eye, and Conan was much beloved by the force due to his presence with Kogoro. As a result, the case was taken seriously and personally_

 _When Detective's Megure and Takagi entered the home to give the Mouri's the bad news, all they found was Kogoro unconscious and Ran curled up in the corner, cradling a picture of her and Shinichi._

 _After slapping Kogoro awake and calming down the young teenager, they learnt that Mouri-chan had received a call the night before from Shinichi, shocking the police. Ran herself had expected the police to come but not for Conan._

 _She fainted right afterwords and had to be taking to the hospital._

 _Though many police officers suspected the cases were linked, there was no evidence to definitely prove that the cases were connected. As a result, the cases were separated from each other, allowing valuable evidence to be destroyed in the area where Shinichi's murder was thought to have been committed, as the rain washed nearly all the blood away, leaving watered ichor and cloth threads._

 _The media coverage was enormous. Conan had been infamous as the Kid Killer and as the ward of Kogoro Mouri the Sleeping Sleuth. As for Kudo, the rumors of his death make the announcement of his suspected murder explode around the world._

 _The case was highly scrutinized, by both the NPA and the public, Most sent waves of support towards the Mouri's, raising money for them, sending in hundreds of thousands of tips, letters, anything to help. Several officers would later resign in protest of the case not moving forward._

 _The media itself wasn't that helpful. At times it cause more harm then any actual help. Reporters stalked the Mouri's to the point of harrassment; camping outside the agency for days on end, spreading rumors about who really killed Conan Edogawa, even following the daughter to her high school, to the point that Ran Mouri would suffer a panic attack that required her to be hospitalized._

 _In response, Kogoro Mouri violently assaulted the reporters nested outside his house. Though he was given some leeway due to the emotional pressure the poor man was under but in the end he still would have no choice but to serve some prison time._

 _As of now, Kogoro Mouri has been paroled, while Ran Mouri now lives with her mother, trying to heal from the trauma quietly out of the public eye._

 _Hundreds of thousands of man hours were spent searching for the two. Nearly three hundred suspects were interrogated before being cleared_

 _There is a 1,000000 yen award for information regarding Conan Edogawa's whereabouts along with the location of Shinichi Kudo's body._

 _It has yet to be claimed._

 _Kudo-kun…_

 _Shinichi-kun…_

 _We're sorry._

 **End of File 1001**

 **(0)**

 **Yeah this is why I haven't updated for a while.**

 **This was on my AO3 account but I've decided since to upload it her for the convenience. That and I can't figure out how to use italics and bold on AO3 but its probably something simple that I haven't figured out yet...**

 **I hope you enjoy this! (:**


	2. Lost Hope, No End

Ran woke up, faintly brushing off a nightmare. Usually she didn't remember her dreams enough to feel anything about them. Even now, the memory of terror was dissipating, slowly going farther away, before it was gone like morning mist.

Her eyes weren't yet accustomed to being awake nor to the sunlight beaming down after days of rain. Ran saw her tan yellow and emerald wallpaper seem melted before she rubbed the sleepiness and tears out of her eyes.

In the front of her room and above her dresser, were pictures of happier times, distant memories of joy that now appeared to lost forever. Ran's vision was naturally drawn to these frozen capsules of time, as they acted as Omanori for the future.

The centerpiece was a small Butsudan with two photographs in picture frames resting on one of the shelves. One was a picture of her and Shinichi as kids. She remembered it well. Shinichi didn't want to take a picture on Sonoko's new phone until she begged him, finally relenting. Though she was beaming happily, Shinichi had a bored look on his face, though he still attempted to look as happy as possible.

Just for her. Shinichi did it just for her.

The other one was sadly blurrier and somewhat pixelated because it had to be printed from a phone. It was of a happy Conan, still six years old, still happy, still here…

The child in the picture was wearing a blue suit, much too similar to his relative at that age but only if he wore glasses. Unlike Shinichi, he actually looked like he enjoyed existing, smiling with his big cheeks apple red, holding a soccer ball,

 _She never asked him when his birthday was, never got a chance to make it special and create more happy times._

Inside the Butsuma (the space within the minuture shrine) were tons of sweets and other offerings that probably needed to be replaced pretty soon, judging by the ants and flys pestering them. Both Shinichi and Conan like the same kind of sweets but she kept that separate anyway, to remind her that they were not the same, that could be found, that there was hope.

Plastered on the walls like posters were more pictures, her with her parents, her with Sonoko, her with Kazuha, endless photographs of her competing in Karate tournaments, that old but beloved picture of her and Shinichi in Tropical Land-

Ran paused. She wouldn't let herself cry.

Ran sat up and looked at the time. It was almost time for more of her college courses, giving her a shocking jolt. In her haste to to get out of bed, she forgot to unwrap herself from the blankets and fell, with Ran's face being cushioned by a small rug. Usually she was more on top of everything then this but she guessed that even she had to have clumsy Eisuke moments every now and again.

While hurridly slipping out of her pajamas as well as looking for clothes, she came across a Kokeshi doll buried under a couple shirts that didn't fit her anymore. Ran smiled sadly. When she went to a Shrine to pray for Conan and Shinichi a old priest had given her that Kokeshi doll for Conan. He had been so kind, giving her comfort despite her being rather emotional from what was going on at the time, snapping at him like the wounded bird she had become.

With her right hand, Ran held it up gingery. Why did she stuff it down here in the first place? The young woman silently reprimanded herself before placing in front of Conan's frame, where it belonged.

After getting dressed, she glanced at the picture of her with her parents, the infamous Sleeping Sleuth without his mustache. Once Ran would have laughed at how different he looked but now she had no choice but to frown. She sincerely doubted that they would ever get back together now. She had been stupid to believe that they would get back together in the first place, just another childish fancy of hers that hurt more then helped.

People like to think that her parents were bad people because of how they reacted to the case, particularly her own father. Ran didn't believe it. They were just flawed… Ran simply couldn't believe anyone she cared about were bad as others said to be.

There was once exception and as much as she hated to admit it, she was disgusted by not only Conan's parents but also Shinichi's parents. She kept trying to tell herself that they must have good reasons but all Ran could think about was how they never came back to Japan, even month's afterward.

No one could find either of the Kudo's. Yusaku Kudo had quietly released what he would say would be his final book before he and his wife completely vanished off the face of the Earth, not caring enough to show their faces in Japan again.

And _Conan's parents_ didn't seem to even care as unlike the Kudo's they didn't even _make a statement._ She was starting to think that they just abandoned him when she first met Conan, just gave him to Agasa because they couldn't be bothered.

Conan never showed any sign of distress at this, so Ran had brushed it away, thinking that she was being a busybody and that he would have told her any warning signs.

Yet again, Conan Edogawa, the brainy child she grew to love and could never forget, even if she was cruel to want to, had shown himself to be an enigma, a piece to a puzzle she didn't think she could solve.

But then she recalled how reluctant he seemed to go with his own mother, almost panicking at the idea even. of course he came back smiling. If what Ran thought had happened, happened then nothing would stop her from _beating them to a pulp!_

Ran had to continue thinking of her own parents, to avoid busting another whole in the wall. She didn't hate her father. Not at all. Though her mother disapproved, Ran often secretly went over there to clean and make sure her father was comfortable, also leaving him money taped to cards from groups that helped alcoholics and those who lost children.

Conan was not blood related but Ran knew that in his heart, despite appearances to the contrary, instead of every lie the papers posted about their family, she knew that Kogoro Mouri had always cared about him even though he didn't show it when he was here.

It was her decision to leave, not out of any disdain for the man who used to hold her above his head and give piggyback rides. How could she really mad at her father for his grief?

Ran still had hope, though everyone else didn't. She didn't want to think about what could be happening to him right now. It made her heartbroken to think he would miss out on most of his childhood. She would make up to him if he returned, she knew that much. Ran had been planning it for a while and she knew that she would never let go of him again.

The fact that it had to be an **if** , would mean that this would be the only time she would let herself cry today. As optimistic as she was, she knew that she had to accept that there was a large chance that he was gone forever.

But what if he turned up alive after she assumed him dead? Ran could never forgive herself if that happened!

 _She briefly remembered crying in front of millions, saying that she would forgive the man who took him if he returned Conan to their house safe and whole,_ _unbeknownst to her that the circus was starting to take center stage._

Ran shook her head willing the painful memory away. She wouldn't let that hurt or define her anymore.

Now dressed, she silently said goodbye to the picture of Shinichi before emerging out of the door.

To her utter surprise and amazement, her mother was downstairs cooking breakfast. The shock wasn't just because of the fact her mother had a day off but also because she was probably going to have to eat her cooking… _Which she was totally fine with!_ She thought to herself only half convinced.

Despite living with her mother for almost three and a half years, she still couldn't get used to it. She was used to often being the housekeeper and cook, mostly for herself when her parents were together before moving on helping her father and Conan. Well, technically she still was, but it seemed that women were much more tidy then men.

"Mom, what are you doing here?"

Despite being older, Eri Kisaki giggled like a school girl. Sometimes Ran thought she was the only adult in the family. "It almost sounds like you don't want your mother to cook her own daughter some breakfast?"

"Of course no-" Ran nervously tilted her head with the back of her hand, before noticing the time on the digital clock. Did she really take that long to get dressed? Panicking, she quickly grabbed a burnt piece of toast and rubbed butter on with a knife.

"Hey, you know its unlady like to push and shove!" her mother said, mostly serious but just barely hiding a stifling chuckle .

"Gomen, but I have college classes in a half hour!"

"Can't you play hooky for once?" Eri cheekily jested with a sardonic smirk. Ran shook her head.

"Jeez, mom sometimes I think you and dad have too much in common. Ran didn't notice the look of shock on her mothers face. Instead she ate her breakfast regretfully fast, barely even tasting it. Ran delicately wiped the stains and crumbs off of her mouth, not wanting to appear like

Ran suddenly remembered that she almost forgot to ask a question that Eri Kisaki found futile. It always hurt her to ask said question but she had to be the first one to know. She could not be the last one to know, as selfish as it was.

"Mom…" It was never easy to ask. "Do they have any news about Conan-kun?"…

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.

.

Ran knew it was coming, she could see that by the frown and now serious demeanor that she would fail and disappoint her yet again

Truth was, they had stopped getting monthly updates a year ago, all information crawling to a snails pace because of the lack of leads and investigators giving up. Yet still she asked, even though the last update was two years ago and only to bear that another suspect was in the clear.

A complete waste of time was all Megure could get? Eri never realized how much she despised detectives more then that moment. It was bad enough that they were terrible at their jobs, but Eri

Eri tried not to make herself look stricken. She had to be strong. Ran was showing strength right now but Eri knew it was a facade. Ran cried alone in her room like she used to as a kid when she and Kogoro used to argue. Kogoro had failed but she wouldn't.

She missed Conan as much as Ran did sometimes. How could she not? Just like everyone else who knew him, she had come to greatly appreciate his presence, with her being one of the few to take him seriously. Whoever thought they could do that to a child deserved a place in the burning Naraka's for all eternity and then some.

The worst part was that it was looking like he would get away with it in this life, never spending a single microinstant in jail due to the stupidity of everyone trying to chase their tales in a mad attempt to catch up, the man growing old, maybe having children while poor Conan never even reached double digits…

When his parents didn't show up, Eri had been on the warpath, immersing herself in public records in a attempt to find them, planning to chew them out for having her daughter be the one crying on TV. Trouble was that Fumiyo Edogawa was nothing less of a ghost, with no records of her existence anywhere. This made the lawyers instincts pick up on the fact there was something wrong, but she was unable to put her finger on it

Everyone was mad at Yukiko and Yusaku for not coming as well, at the very least to come to Shinichi's funeral. Eri would have lied if she claimed that she wasn't a little mad as well, but she had an idea of where she went. With their only child gone, Eri had a inkling that they were devoted to their rage and grief to focus on more important things. In that regard, Eri couldn't blame them.

"I'm sure he'll be back soon. If so, we have to through him the birthday party to end all birthday parties." Ran laughed, almost skipping out the door in excitement

Eri had no words. It happened so fast, Eri didn't have time to properly process or say anything back. She wanted to catch up to her but she looked so happy… Eri must have been a bad parent if she couldn't tell her daughter the truth.

Eri was suddenly afraid.

The silence let her be along with her thoughts, the only sound being Goro licking up Ran's somehow paltry leftovers. She rested her hand of the chair before sitting down, sighing.

Eri suddenly thought back to a couple cases she had took before Conan had been kidnapped. Many of ones she was now thinking about had represented parents accused of kidnapping their kids or worse.

Eri had taken few enough of these cases, as she suddenly realized how much she hated living through her own fears regarding her child, maybe the thought of it made a certain insecurity she didn't like to think about bubble up to the forefront of her mind, something she often derided her ex for without understanding the hypocrisy.

One was particularly striking. One now made her realize just how irresponsible of a parent she was. Kogoro at the very least didn't hide his fears under a stern statuesque face, pretending to be cogent and wise when even she was out of her own element.

She must had been blind as a bat to see the similarities between her client and his wife, the allegory must have been truly lost to her own ego. As much as he detested the husband for being a crass uncouth slob and a drunk to boot, she knew that without her help, he was going to prison for a crime she didn't commit.

When she first became a lawyer, Eri had been shocked at the amount of innocent people that were being rail roaded. She had been idealistic up to that point, almost like how her daughter was and still is. But she had to grow up eventually, if only if it wasn't quite as harsh.

She put her all into it, and unsurprisingly she won. When the verdict was read, the wife had pulled out a knife and charged towards the husband, almost gutting him before she was restrained by guards. They tried to talk her down but she cried, kicked, punched, and screamed before she was taken away.

"SHO! YOU BASTARD! TELL ME WHERE OUR SON IS OR I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU!"

That was when she realized something that horrified the young lawyer to her very core, something that made her shake irascibly. Without the husband, there were no other suspects, no other leads, no other chance for her child to be found.

There was more then enough evidence for a murder. The blood on the scene drowned the hallway in red. The pictures didn't lie. That much was certain. But she was in denial, even years after. Because if her son was dead why did she continue to live? Without hope how could she continue to live?

If her husband was innocent, then that would mean she no longer had someone to displace her own anger, to blame for her own perceived failures that was unable to admit to herself.

It didn't matter if the failures were actually there. Inside and out, she would always kill herself on what could have been different.

Just like her daughter.

Introspection hurt. She thought about Conan and Shinichi. There was enough blood at the scene to make it absolutely certain that he was dead. But with Conan, as sick as it was to think about, didn't get that same resolution. He would always be presumed alive, even in lieu of a dead body. It could be past her own lifetime until Ran, his friends and everyone else got any sort of closure, an end to this cruel cliffhanger called life.

That meant that Ran, her sweet little girl, would spend the rest of life wasting away, thinking about what she could have done, what could have been, what should have been never finding happiness.

The truth was, Ran had the best traits of both her parents and none of the worse aspects. While Eri never considered herself perfect, it was just amazing how truly strong she was.

Ran was forgiving but she was not. She could never forgive Kogoro for being stone cold drunk when his own daughter was crying, for not calling the police when Shinichi-kun…

And just like that, when she heard that particular despicable, disgraceful and unforgivable tidbit of information, was when she finally had enough of Kogoro's bullshit. The assault, the smell of booze now clung to him like perfume, Ran didn't need that

Though he always was rather hard on him as a kid, Shinichi and her daughter would have been perfect together. She honestly doubted that either of them would make the same sorry mistakes she and Kogoro had made. Ran would make time for her children and Shinichi didn't have a iota of Kogoro's irresponsibility or addiction.

He was a good kid who didn't deserve the end he got. All Eri could hope for was that those monsters who killed answered for their crimes. But the monster who took Conan hadn't so why would the world be merciful to give the Kudo's a body to bury?

Eri put her face in her hands, and cried.

.

.

.

It wasn't like Ran to be late but Sonoko wasn't going to try and interrupt by calling her. She had dark circles under her eyes lately that she claimed was from studying.

Sonoko groaned at the migraine impaling her brain from the inside out. She was definitely a college girl now, having taking to the lifestyle like a fish took to water. Partying all night had its drawbacks but she needed a break… From what precisely she denied that she knew.

The air was brisk but the humidity was wan, signifying the beginning of spring. Cherry blossom petals and other pulpy plant matter harnessed the breeze to fly away, adding a natural feeling to the urban landscape.

Despite the beauty of her surroundings, Sonoko couldn't be happy. It was nearing a certain anniversary that protruded a sense of despair and darkness that echoed for years to come. Strangers did not understand any of it and in a way Sonoko felt jealousy instead of rage at their well meaning questions.

It effected people in different ways. For those who had experienced the horror when it first happened it was a sort of hell that didn't particularly end or begin in a satisfactory way. There was no closure, there was no justice, and there was no resolution. It was just like the ending of those crappy Night Baron novels that Shinichi's dad used to write before he vanished.

Though it hurt, she couldn't say that she was suffering as much as Ran. Not only had she lost a lover but she lost a brother too. It didn't matter if Conan wasn't blood related or if Shinichi never confessed to Ran, that is what they would always be to her.

Giving how inept she was at helping her own best friend, Sonoko was surprised that she still stood by her. Her childish idea of helping Ran through her struggle was endless shopping trips, vacations, pedicures, the works. It seemed to work with everything else, why wouldn't it work here? It was all she knew how to do, other then listen of course.

Sonoko yawned. After Makoto had transferred to Beika University, she liked to cuddle with her at night. (along with other thing that made her blush to think about...) The problem was that he snored like some sort of beast.

At first Sonoko was afraid that the sight of her and Makoto as a couple would drive another knife in Ran's heart. Instead, they had become the best of friends, often talking endlessly about the best move to use, bond over the various injuries they had received and other martial arts jargon that drove Sonoko crazy on the best of times.

And of course, since Shinichi was gone, that meant that she was single. And single, attractive girls were always the target.

It figured that Ran was the type of woman who would never fall in love again after her one true love had died. Sonoko didn't think it was healthy but until she said otherwise, there was no way Ran was dating anyone else unless she was ready.

It was not like some of her admirers weren't nice or very, very, very hot. Some of them got the message clearly enough. Ran could easily physically defend herself that wasn't the problem. Emotionally though… Sonoko knew for a fact that she was stronger then her, both phyiscally and mentally but Sonoko knew that that she had taken the brunt of the misery and tragedy.

Just to go over them again, a few simple but stringent rules to those who wanted to date or befriend Ran:

Rule #1 Don't talk or obsess about Conan's disappearance or she personally would beat the crap out of you.

Rule #2 This was for the men. Don't even think about asking her out, hitting on her, catcalling or act creepy in anyway that would make her uncomfortable, because then Sonoko would kick you in the nuts.

Rule #3 In the impossible event she agrees to go on a date with you, there would be a talk between the two of them, a sort of make it or break it interview that if failed will result in a couple broken bones.

Rule #4 Don't talk about her parents.

And finally and most importantly, Rule #5 If you even subconsciously think about even mouthing the name of one Heisei Holmes, she would kill you and bury you in one of Suzuki Keiretsu's various timeshares!

Sonoko always thought it would have been more poetic to Ran if her hair was stricken white as a crone due to the tragedy, if she become wrinkled because of her grief. But she never did. Instead Ran was even more beautiful then she was a teenager.

The truth was it didn't matter how many times she smiled and said she was okay, Sonoko knew it wasn't true. That smile was nowhere near as bright as it was before, almost snuffed out. The irony was that despite appearing the same, she wasn't.

She hated that. She hated Shinichi for poking his nose in something he shouldn't have and getting himself killed. She knew he wasn't coming back, even if was not for the reason she thought. How could he be so selfish! He hadn't even told his own best friend what was going on, how close to the edge he was…

Because of his own nature he was now dead, gone with his body never to be found. Whatever group had murdered him had gotten away clean because the idiot thought he could take on something bigger then himself. Now, because of his own stupidity, whatever secret he discovered would never be found out.

Shinichi had hurt her and Sonoko wouldn't forgive that as long as she lived.

Ran had cried for weeks on end, endlessly suffering. Sonoko didn't want to recall those moments. All she could say was that every time she thought her best friend could not be more miserable then was at that moment, something appeared around the corner to make it worst.

A year later however, she stopped crying. Ran was now more reserved and quiet then she had been before. Sonoko, being the idiot she was, thought that she was starting to let go of her grief. She knew now that she wasn't okay, but despite her inability to act, Sonoko was convinced that she was.

Maybe the rich girl had wanted to believe her friend was okay, so she didn't pick up on the obvious signs. Perhaps Sonoko thought that she would get through this like she had gotten through everyone else. She didn't want to think that a part of Ran was broken into pieces, so when she asked to go to that Kid heist...

The recollection was both the worst mix of painful and sweet. It started just like an average Kid heist, as if there was such a thing. But when Kaito Kid appeared, something magical happened. No pun intended.

Kid raised his hands, his face unusually solemn. "I'm afraid that I have to stop for a moment before we begin the show. In fact I honestly considered canceling this show and all performances for a while after this."

Shouts of dismay and concern from the fans riveted throughout the crowd, Sonoko included. Even the police were confused and unsure of what was going on. Kid raised his hands again.

"I'm afraid that as you all know the little Tantei-kun is missing. Truth was, it almost didn't feel the same without him…" Kaito Kid rubbed his neck, for the first time looking significantly uncomfortable and uneasy. "Yet the beautiful young woman who he admires and loves so much was kind and strong to attend this silly old wizard's show… "

He rubbed the back of his neck again and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry I'm usually more prepared then this! Truth is I want him back safe and sound as much as everyone else!" He looked away, a sad look on his eyes.

A few of the cops almost ruined the moment by shouting "Liar!" but they were quickly silenced by the foul, soul piercing looks of the crowd and the majority of the police. Sonoko was surprised that they didn't bleed from the daggers everyone was pointed at them.

"So, I ask my loyal fans to give your support and gratitude to one Mouri Ran." He pointed to where she was standing, a spotlight shining upon her and resulting in nearly every eye being on someone else instead of Kid for once.

"She has been through a lot and I think that she would be happy to know that despite everything that has occurred, there are people who support her and wish that Tantei-kun returns safe and sound!"

Sonoko remembered how loud the cheering got, hurting her ears. She didn't care. Sonoko was crying, deciding to herself that she never loved Kid as much as what he did today.

Sonoko turned to Ran, who eyes were wide as saucers. For a brief moment, Sonoko thought she was going to cry instead she smiled wide and mumbled thank you under her breath.

Balloons flew out of everyone with a T-shirt, slowly expanding until they reached the top. Once they got there they exploded into fireworks, creating the number the police set up in a bright rainbow of colors. Chrysanthemums and Violet petals rained down, adding to the beauty of the moment.

Sonoko changed her mind. Now there was no way she could love Kid anymore then now

To her immense shock, Kid appeared right in front of her. She turned her head back to the platform where he once stood, now bereft of Kid. He tipped his hat and knelt before her injured friend. A few cops tried to push some people out of the way to arrest him, but even the detective who was obsessed with Kid was keeping them away.

Ran was at a loss for words. "Thank you but..."

Kid genuinely appeared concerned, looking rather bashful and guilty. "I'm sorry Mouri-chan is it too much? Did I cause you more pain? If so I-"

"No. What you did was… Surprising but kind. I'll never forget it, its just.." Ran's eyes welled with tears."Y-you, you look like Shinichi!" Ran silently sobbed, trying her best to regain control of her emotions.

Now Sonoko could never unsee it. Though Kid was kind enough to comfort Ran, actually earning a smile despite her goody two shoes nature, along with forever proving that no matter what the police said, he was still a great person, Sonoko could no longer abide Kid shows.

Now whenever she saw the dashing man she used to call her future husband partly out of an intent to tease Makoto, she saw Shinichi bleeding, crying, his listless empty eyes gazing up at her…

One time a kid was being pulled away by an adult and Ran had instantly spun to his rescue, like she had done with Conan-kun many times before. The adult who would in a few minutes afterward be revealed to be the boys father, was just trying to get him go home after he run away. The kid was as old as Conan Kun would have if he hadn't been kidnapped by some perv-

No she refused to think about that. Ran herself had spent infinite nights listening to others tell her what could have happened to poor Conan she wouldn't let herself think about what any sicko could do… Then again it hasn't stopped her before.

God now she wanted to barf.

Truth is, just like everyone else, she thought the kid was immortal. All the times he fearlessly stood his ground, all the times he had done things that she herself didn't think she had the nerve to do.

She also thought that her country was safe. An odd thought considering how she and everyone around her seemed to be a murder magnet but she guessed at that point she didn't take it seriously. Now, whenever she saw Ran being gawked at by horny jocks, or saw Conan's childhood friends, Sonoko made absolutely sure that they were safe by waking beside them.

Speaking of the Detective Geeks, it was amazing how much they had changed in just a couple years. Though still children, they were almost half their height. Ayumi-chan was turning into a real heartbreaker, and Mitsuhiko was almost as good of a detective as Shinichi had been at that age.

Maybe he should date Ran, Sonoko half japed, laughing to herself. He was sure that he had a crush on her actually, though personally Ayumi and Ai would have been a better match. She briefly wondered which one of them Conan liked...

"Sonono-kun!" A cheery voice called from behind. Jogging towards her was Masumi Sera, wearing jean shorts, a v neck t-shirt with BEAST TO PRAY written on it and her trademark fedora.

Sera had transferred during the last year of highschool and while she was a cheerful if rather odd addition to their group of friends, there were times when Sonoko wondered whether she a cared about Ran a bit too much.

Sonoko didn't mean like in a clingy jealous way but more "I want to have sex with you", kind of way. Then again, Sera-chan did act like a little boy instead of a young woman, so maybe it was just her overthinking Sera's weirdness…

And oddly enough, she took Conan's disappearance and Shinichi's death almost as hard as they had.

Of course Sera-chan being Sera-chan meant that her clothes were completely absurd. Her shirt was twice her size and it definitely appeared to be made for a man. Her shorts had no remnant of leg whatsoever, showing a bit of cheek where the cut was haphazardly made. She honestly didn't know if Sera purposely dressed like that out of style (Sonoko knew for a fact it wasn't meant to be slutty) or if she just didn't know any better.

She was thinking it was the latter because right now Sera had stopped to tie her shoes, struggling because her shirt was nearly over her shoulder due to the wind. Right now a bunch of middle school boys were taking pictures.

"Oi!" Sonoko yelled, running at the boys with a mad glint in her eyes and a sadistic smile on her face. Most of the time that was more then enough to get the message that they

By the time she caught up with Sera, they ran away as fast as they could, having rehearsed what was going to happen next many times before.

As she put her hands on her hips in an attempt to catch her, she saw Sera was now finished with tying her shoes, now wearing Nikes. She bent back upwards, revealing her crooked grin as the tomboy closed her eyes and gave the peace sign. Of course something like that wouldn't concern her!

Sonoko gave her a teasing smile before elbowing her shoulder. She couldn't be mad at her obliviousness but she would absolutely mock it. "Y'know it might be okay if you decided not to wear a bra. I'm sure they would just think that you are a just a rather fruity guy-"

Sera-chan blushed, shaking her head, looking "Hey, they'll grow eventually!"

Sonoko, laughed. "Are you sure? You're nineteen and out of puberty. Maybe they won't get any bigger."

"Don't say that!"

Then, if only counting the females and those who were present, the final member of their group appeared, wearing a much needed and missed smile.

Both of them despite being different in personality and temperment, were shocked alike for the once in a lifetime sight before them. Though they didn't discuss it that often, they both thought the smile she had on constantly was just a mask to hide her pain from the world.

They both hated that she had to do that. But they were afraid that if they ever addressed it, Ran would be even more upset. She was dealing with her grief her own way, and no one wanted to take that away from her. So when they and the rest of her friends sensed true happiness, they a;; did as much as possible to help it grow.

"Guys!" Ran said, catching up to them, somehow not wheezing from running all the way here. "Why didn't you wake me?" She turned to Sera who held her hands in front of her chest, wiggling them in a odd way.

"You needed your beauty sleep! We didn't want to wake you after the cram session you took!" Sera silently looked at Sonoko for rescue but got none. She was the one who knew Jeet Kune Do why was she afraid?

Ran's smile continued. "I thank the both of you. For everything"

Sonoko and Sera beamed together, rubbing the back of their heads. "Hey, you've helped me with home… Work?" Both Sonoko and Sera were said the same thing simultaneously, they looked at each other, again in unison.

Ran covered her mouth trying to prevent a laugh. She smiled again. "I think you and Sera-chan are starting to think alike."

Sonoko suddenly felt very dizzy as her brain tried to compute what she just heard. Sera laughed at the exasperated expression on Sonoko's face, "I guess that's payback for earlier! Don't worry Sonoko-kun, there is only one you and you are the best at it."

And you're definitely the best Sera-chan, Ran said giggling like she used to do, I wouldn't really worry about it too much Sonoko. According to my horoscope I'll hear from someone I haven't heard from for a long time soon." Ran closed her eyes and smiled, looking genuinely happy, if tired.

It figured that Ran believed in something as ridiculous as that. "Oh really? From who?"

Ran's smile was the first to die. "Conan-kun."

Sonoko and Sera knew what to do when Ran did this to herself. They hid their discomfort and reassured her that it was going to be okay, that the brat was tougher then he looked, that they would through a big party once he came back, and that they would make sure the bastard who took him rotted in prison until his skin turned gray.

Though there still were tears in her eyes as they hugged her, at the very least the smile had returned.

Sonoko's didn't.

Ran still believed that Conan was out there somewhere, alive. Sonoko didn't believe it, she didn't want to believe it because it made her think about what could be happening this instant. It wasn't that it was bad to be hopeful, but Conan's disappearance made her think about the bad things she wished she could unknow.

It was bad enough knowing that there were scum who got off on groping woman, but thinking about someone doing to kids. It always seemed different when they were kids. Children were expected to be safe walking on their own, to not be afraid of some pervert taking them away.

A quick internet search proved otherwise. Sonoko was left completely speechless just after a cursory glance, deciding to read about the literal devils in the much too descriptive and vivid details had almost killed her.

Before that she held the naive belief that he was simply being held for ransom. The worst she could possibly imagine was someone killing him out of revenge. Takagi-san slipped up though, and many private conversations Sonoko "accidentally" walked did nothing to allay her budding fears.

It made her think of those scummy **Ero Goro** manga they had made about Conan.

Oh yes, someone was sick and scummy enough to make those fucking sick images. Now she could never unsee Conan in that position, some of which she didn't even think existed. Ironically, of the pair Sonoko always considered herself the more knowledgable when it came to sex.

She begged her father to seek legal action but according to Ran's mother it was protecting under freedom of expression She never told Ran about those and she didn't need to know about such disgusting behavior.

Doing research about child abuse and sex trafficking soiled her mind as much as the phone she used to look it up. And as much as she despised herself for admitting it, if some Chikan had snatched Conan-kun like she and everyone else suspected, maybe he wouldn't be the same as he was before.

Sonoko wondered if the possibility that he wasn't coming back ever crossed her mind. It was harsh but that was how reality worked. Everything they had believed as teenagers seemed to be a lie. There might not be such a thing as justice.

As much as she wanted to see him again, she didn't think she could live with what remained of him after he was freed, the poor broken eyes of a child who lost his innocence and hope was just too cruel a fate to think about.

Ran could believe in justice, Sera-chan had to because she was a detective. But Sonoko's faith was irrevocably shattered. She would be the same wide eyed girl who act spoiled and act as if going to malls could would ease the burden on her back.

But that didn't matter. Right now the important thing was keeping Ran happy and healthy. So she, Sera, Eisuke, Kazuha, Heiji and everyone in between would help each other but most importantly Ran heal, even if it them in the process.

So they walked together, giggling and gossiping among themselves, making the decision to pretend to bask in the sun while disregarding dark storm brewing behind them.

.

.

.

 **Poor Ran... I wonder how much torture she can take?**


	3. Metamorphasis of a Dead Cattlepillar

It was six o' clock but Kogoro was awake. Yesterday was the anniversary and he didn't think he could see it through sober.

There was a crick in his neck from sleeping on it wrong or maybe from just laying on a huge pile of dirty laundry he used as as a bed. There were bugs somewhere, maybe crawling on the floor or on his face.

Upon opening his eyes, the building that was once known as the Mouri Detective Agency, had fallen into disrepair without a housekeeper, (Ran…) There were clothes, wrappers, cans and other trash strewn all about the room, almost like a bomb went off in a department store. Maybe that was why his ears were ringing from the various stomps, chirps and conversation he nebulously perceived as he fingered his eardrums. The room itself wasn't doing much better as the paint on the wall was peeling, the color itself looking rather drab and unsteady.

All he saw of the world was endless stretches of chalky whites, murky grays and dull blacks. The sight of bright pastels no longer was ingrained in his vision, his world forever being devoid of color.

Occasionally he woke up and it was gone but this was not one of those times. Whoever did it was doing a exerize in futility. The trash would collect again and the flood would soon be sodden with vomit.

He had always thought of Conan as a burden, a mooch who parents should taken better care of him. The thing about his parents he still believed but he certainly wasn't in any right to judge. It wasn't like he hated him, he was just so annoying, so clueless, so…

So much a child should be. Just like Ran was at that age.

Once he was gone, it was like all the talent he received disappeared with him. Turns out that pesky little brat had been his omanori. Now disgraced, his referrals dried up and turned to dust as quick as a heart attack. Only those who didn't know any better visited him and only half of them remained to hire him.

Why did he hit him all the time? He should have been nicer to the poor boy, actually spent time with him, even if he didn't like him. He knew nothing about him, Kogoro never learnt what he liked, nor what he disliked, what stupid Anime or Manga he enjoyed, what his favorite food was, he simply never got a chance to know.

Well it was too late now. Just like that security cam footage was leaked to everyone, showing him hitting Conan. Whether the press had bribed someone to get it or the information itself came from one of the relatives of the people he put in prison, Kogoro would never know. Kogoro wished he had been more self conscious about it. Physical punishment seemed right to him as a parent.

Once the headlines got out people started to openly accuse him of murdering Conan. The Hell he and her daughter went through seemed to twist and warp into something more cruel and maniacal. They got countless letters but Kogoro didn't recall the ocean of support. Instead the storm of vitriol hate and condemnation was what was scorched into his soul.

People phoned the agency calling him a murderer. Mostly from out of Prefecture. The glass was often broken by rocks, and that was if they were lucky. The things sprayed on were crude but effective to get his blood boiling.

Kogoro's response to this was to drink more then he ever had before, almost completely ignoring what his daughter was going through. Usually she was the one who picked up the phone and Ran was naive enough to give out her phone number on live TV. Some of them sent her Cell Phone Novels describing in exact and excruciating detail what was happening to Conan at that time. Not all of the fan art sent in support was clean either.

Any comfort she would fine in her own father was nil. He was constantly inebreiated, almost for twenty four hours straight. Kogoro had also said some things about Kudo while intoxicated. Things he didn't mean nor quite remember but was aware hurt his little girl even worse.

She wasn't safe on the outside either. As the case grew cold and colder, some of her classmates suspected that not only was Kogoro involved in that murder but that she also had a part in it. Now that wasn't fair. And that was just half of the pain she was going through as rumors about Shinichi Kudo were starting to reach a fever's pitch…

Reporters constantly harassed her for information, bullying her into saying things that they were printed out of context. So when he got the news that his daughter was now in the hospital because of them, his body just took on a mind of his own. Kogoro always thought it was a excuse when murderers said it, a deflection to avoid admitting their blame. But that was before. Now that he experienced that feeling first hand, Kogoro wasn't as quick to judge.

He didn't remember breaking the mans collar bone, his ribs, nose and fingers. All Kogoro remembered of that change of destiny was that all he saw that day was red

In a heartbeat his career and what little prestige was snuffed out. Now he was a laughing stock. _Kogoro the Sleeping Sleuth_ was now the _Kogoro the_ _Drinking Sleuth_ , a worthy epitaph for his failures.

It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Conan was gone, his room being the only thing that was tidy in the sea of rubbish, now a time capsule. Ran hated him and Kogoro didn't blame her. The gumshoe had always been useless, he realized that now. Without Eri or Ran to keep him in line, what little self control he had left was now out the fogged up window with the faded hirigana.

Eri finally had enough of his jackassery and divorced him. He knew it was his fault, he that if he had simply apologized and changed Eri would have gotten back together with him.

At least, until he showed the world just how idiotic and asinine he truly was. Now, Eri had finally followed through on her threat to divorce him and he doubted that she would ever change her mind.

Ran had been his final companion but even she left him in the end. His own daughter had finally seen through his bullshit and left his pathetic ass, in tears, saying that she was sorry but couldn't stand to live here anymore, saying that she would always love him.

He had been drunk when she said it, so he didn't quite remember all of it. Eri warned him straight up front to never contact them again, and Kogoro had obliged.

Kogoro felt sick all of a sudden. Getting up to stand on his own two feet was more difficult then it should. His legs felt and shook like jelly, swaying from side to side like a tree in the wind.

Feeling his stomach start to churn like some sort of dairy, Kogoro dashed out of the room to retch. He almost tripped several times, passing by a certain room that made him feel worst then any sickness. Kogoro's mouth open wide as he threw up in the already feculant bowl. It took several minutes for his sickness to clear and yet, even then he still heaved and gagged on his own larynx.

Despite feeling light headed, Kogoro managed to stand up, though with great difficulty, having to lean on the sink to keep his body steady as well as wash the acrid taste of sweet and bitter stomach contents. The rank stench was not doing his nose any favors either, causing Kogoro to wag his sagging skin upwards. Honestly he didn't mean to stare at himself, but cracks in the bloody and brown mirror had yet to completely obscure the glass. Great another chance to glimpse his stupid face...

But what stared back at him was some kind of nightmare. Instead of a weak man a famished scarecrow was the being who lived in the glass, a Yurei, a foul ghost of what he once was.

He didn't see Kogoro Mouri. All he saw was an old sick man staring back at him. His hair, now speckled, dappled, and brindled with ash and snow, was thin and unkempt, giving him the countenance of the former prime minister if he had let himself go for four straight years. Lined and wrinkled, the skin of his face was and the lower half of his face was covered in puke coated stubble to hide the pimples and scars.

Growing sick of the looks he once considered handsome, Kogoro left. He was beginning to sober up and that was something that should never occur.

He stopped when he passed by Conan's room, his heart stopping. Kogoro didn't know why he decided to tour a room he had no business being in after what he did. Maybe he wanted some comfort in the once place in the Agency that was still pure.

The room was the only thing clean in this house made out of squalid filth. The bed was still there, with the Yaibaman blankets folded in like hospital corners. The small bookshelf that was quickly overrun and filled with tomes even Kogoro couldn't read, was just collecting dust now. That wasn't right. Ran customized the room for Conan and she worked hard on it to make him happy.

Kogoro remembered it well. After a case with a big payday, Ran somehow managed to convince him to use the money properly. It wasn't like she didn't take care of his finances anyway but Kogoro still needed to sign the bills. Even afterward there was a significant surplus left.

So Ran asked him to hire some workers to build a room just for Conan. Kogoro was understandably aghast at the idea, having wanted to spend the money on expensive wines and Yoko Okino merch. Ran, being more responsible and an overall better person put her foot down.

Kogoro justified it by saying that now he wouldn't have to sleep with a little kid (That sounded a lot less creepy when he thought about in his head.) That and he wouldn't have to be beaten by Ran if he refused.

Conan was sent to Agasa while the extension was being finished. Ran later picked him up, making him wear a white blindfold so he would be surprised. Actually, given how much of a smart ass the brat was, Kogoro was surprised he didn't figure it out herself.

Kogoro expected for the kid to be ungrateful, so he prepared a special punch just to return his thanks. But to his utmost confusion, the kid actually acted his age, being rather giddy and excited. That was unusual, given how creepily old the kid acted. Regardless, he still fastened a smile to his face.

It was all gone now. His career, Ran, his wife, Conan, everything that was important to him was lost forever. No amount of sobriety and apologies could bring it back. And it was all his fault.

Before he had time to take in the desolation he created for himself, The door bell rang.

It took Kogoro a minute to get there, as he repeatedly tripped over his own leg. That was when Kogoro realized his pants were trailing at his ankles, so he slid out of them snarling.

"What the fuck do you want?!" Kogoro screamed as the door flew open. It would have been threatening if anything but empty air was there to hear or see it.

As he walked forward, looking from side to side at something that wasn't there, his right leg skidded out from under him. an rather unpleasant surprise that would prove significant was awaiting beneath him but right now Kogoro was focused on regaining his balance.

He clutched the door with both arms in an attempt to steady himself. Trouble was, Kogoro still had some brute strength instilled in his core despite his shaking and trembling limbs that were ruined by abuse of liquor. The door was ripped from the hinges, the wood falling off of Kogoro with a loud crash.

Kogoro pushed the door away, clenching his teeth in frustration as he bit a part of his cheek. A few people in the cafe were looking straight at but a simple glower sent most away. Some of them may be getting Amuro but he just tell him to fuck off too.

Suddenly dizzy and woozy as he stood up, Kogoro glanced down and saw a greenish-yellow blotch of a rectangle. Once his vision cleared he could see it was a envelope.

It must have been slipped under the door but the person who sent it and where his current location was, was the least of his concerns.

What did concern him was what was written on it. Under the Natsume Soseki postage stamps, the PO box and address was cut away, revealing holes. If it was one of the few fans he had left, why would he do that? Even drunk that didn't make sense.

Another that unnerved the seasoned detective was what was written on the envelope proper. The hirigana was written so sloppily, Kogoro could hardly read it. Of course the his drunken eyes didn't help in this regard but he doubted that he able to read it sober.

Then it came to him. Tasty Pork. It said _Tasty Pork._

Kogoro stretched the few neurons he had left and came up short. Why would anyone title a letter like this? Were they mocking him? That made sense but something was off. His gut wasn't just boiling from indigestion.

When he opened the letter, two photographs fell out. If he had managed to catch them, he probably would have been frightened.

But instead the he caught the letter.

What would happen next… Well Kogoro thought at this point his misery couldn't get any more unbearable. Maybe he thought he hit rock bottom.

As he read the letter, Kogoro got sicker and sicker. It wasn't just disgust, though what the cutoff magazine characters described made his stomach roil. It was the thoughts he was having during the letter, a culmination of Kogoro's despair and remorse.

(This letters a lie, a fucking lie!)

(He did _that_ to Conan?…)

(His **family** couldn't know.)

(It would **kill Ran.** )

(This letter had to be **burned**.)

(No, he had to **get it to Megure.** )

(Did he have **him?** )

(No he was going to **get away with it.** )

( _He's a failure._ )

( _He was a failure._ )

( _He_ _ **still**_ _is a failure._ )

(Its not **worth living**.)

(No, _he had to_ , for **revenge** )

(He was **useless,** so **useless** , fucking **pathetic**.)

Here is what letter said.

 _Mouri-san_

 _This is the first and last time we are going to correspond. If you do not know who is the author of this letter then I believe it will become clear to you in a moment._

 _I write this letter to say that I have won. I honestly doubt that you or anyone else is ever going to catch me, given the incompetence of you and the NPA._

 _In short I am the killer of Conan Edogawa. I don't particularly want to dandy words with a drunk like you so I'll just outright admit it._

 _But first, in case you do not believe me, I shall show you a account of what occurred the day leading to_

 _That leaves me to the title of this letter. You may be rather confused at why exactly I chose to title this essay Tasty Pork._

 _In case you are unaware, there are savage cannibals in the more remote areas of the world. These monkey men are a rather insipid and animalistic lot, who behave and act like some sort of foul simian instead of any civilized man._

 _However there was a story I used to read as a child about some caveman in Paupa New Guinua who believed the taste of a human was akin to a pig, hence the title "Long Pork"._

 _I got rather obsessed with it to be honest. Even as a adult the idea of fucking and eating a beautiful girl or rather cute kid became too much then I can bear._

 _So I decided to try it._

 _It was honest mistake that I came across Conan Edogawa. I was only there for work and it seemed like my stay wouldn't last long._

 _Then I saw the two of them coming out of a shop, carrying groceries. Conan was holding your daughters hand. Both of their skin appeared so soft, so silky, a pure innocent white that looked so vulnerable and delicious..._

 _I wanted your daughter, honestly. Those ripe round breasts and firmly toned ass would felt nice as I squeezed them. I also thought they would taste nice but as much I hate to admit, I knew the girls reputation. My weak body wouldn't stand a chance._

 _So despondent, I bought myself some sweets and folornly hovered around the town for a couple days. I would have eaten them all but my belly was starting to sicken so I decided to go out and get some medicine._

 _It seems that fate wanted me to enjoy myself. It was the luckiest day of my life. While sitting on the bench, silently eating a bar of chocolate, licking the thing like it was soft serve ice cream. Suddenly the Kid Killer himself and his troupe of filthy little ducklings who were of no interest to me came upon me._

 _I can tell you right now that I am not gay. Usually I am not aroused by boys. Woman seem a lot more attractive and innocent. But Conan Edogawa was different. There was something soooo… {sic} Kawaii about him that transcended gender. Maybe boys at that age look more feminine and girly, but most are absolutely disgusting creatures_

 _You basically know what happened next. The boy struggled but a good knock to the head shut him up. By the time the police came, I found a cosy little resting place and was underway._

 _Should I spare you the gory details? Nah. How bout I give you a taste?_

 _Honestly the teeth was part of what turned me on. The idea of sticking my member into his sweet virgin mouth like a lolipop made me so hard it hurt._

 _In the end despite his bravado, he turned into a little boy. He cried constantly, asking for your daughter, for Shinichi-kun but never for you… Did you have a taste of him before I did?_

 _I'm just kidding he was a virgin when I did him. Eventually, I did get bored of fucking him, and he was rather filthy at this time. So I killed him._

 _Exactly how is one of the few things I'm going to leave to you to decide. Was it painful? Was it quick? Did he die in sleep or with his shit covered mouth screaming out for his nee-chan? I doubt you would ever find out._

 _I did feel bad. I know that seems like a lie but I truly did. I would have confessed. But I decided not to._

 _You want to know why? It was seeing you immolate that stopped me from picking up the phone. Seeing you destroy everything you earned really put things in perspective. And you wanna know what is funny Kogoro? That was all you. It is not my fault that you arrived drunk for an interview or that you beat up those poor reporters. I think that you would have done it even without my help._

 _Honestly, I would like to thank you for adopting Conan. If you did not, there was no way I would have had a happy couple days. So, I think this is were I say goodbye._

 _We are all monsters, but those who do not admit their demons are doomed to become worse then even the most vile fiends._

Kogoro staggered from one leg to the other, steadying himself on the wall. If he hadn't already spilled his guts, he would have vomited upon the floor. Kogoro felt like his breath catch in his chest, like he was being stabbed from the inside.

Everything from his perception to reality was gliding along much too slowly for the broken old man. Time itself seemed to deconstruct and reach a pinpoint. It was like he was awake but somehow trapped into some kind of nightmare he couldn't escape, before realizing that a nightmare was exactly the life he was living at this instant.

Oddly enough, Kogoro didn't feel anything in the beginning. He simply stood there frozen with a glazed look on his face. All he could do was just read the letter with quiet acceptance, knowing that now there was no chance he would ever make it right. That the sick bastard who did it had his number completely. Even if he got sober, nothing he would bring Conan back or undue the suffering that… That… Monster caused!

Then, after managing to snap out of his delirium Kogoro broke down completely. The grown man was bawling like a child, almost ripping the letter entirely in half in a quick jerk. Kogoro's mind was snapping like a stick, destroying the room in his grief and blind wrath. The people downstairs would hear screams of, "Bastard!", and "Conan!", but that was not what freaked them out. They were used to the Sleeping Sleuth's tantrums but it had never gotten this bad. The sounds of things being broken and the upstairs quaking was more then enough for the cafe owner to call the police.

Eventually Kogoro would pass out from blood loss. The disillusioned detective wouldn't ever remember why, perhaps that was when the shattered fragments of himself turned to dust and he no longer thought that he was Mouri Kogoro.

He vaguely sensed punching the wall. His arm got caught on something, cutting his arm vertically. He didn't care about that or how soaked his was, he was angry. The noises that came out of his were more like some sort of wild animal then a man, consisting of snarls, cries, sobs, yelps, moans… Slowly it became harder to see as he got more and more drowsy, his balance falling apart.

The last thing he would see was flashing lights, Amuro and the faint feeling of being easily lifted up.

.

.

.

 **Honestly not my best. It is a bit too on the nose isn't it? I probably could have been more subtle if I just hinted at the contents of letter...**

 **Oh well! At least I tried, plus I learnt something from it!**


	4. Tainted Melancholy

The pieces were in place, the evidence fit perfectly and just like that the case was solved.

Though the man wore a mask when he snatched the purse, obviously to hide his butt ugly face, the idiot hadn't even changed his pants. Mitsuhiko apparently was old enough to solve cases easily but not old enough to understand the concepts of unintentional entendres and innuendos.

That aside, it was pretty obvious that he did. The suspect had tripped on to a grassy knoll, before landing in a pebbled street corner. Somehow after that comedy of errors he escaped.

But not for long.

Mitsuhiko had a plan at first but at total random the suspect all but traipsed in tripping over himself. Funny how fate, karma, or aliens worked their strands that way.

Ayumi noticed the grass stains on the back and side of the white sweatpants. Thankfully he had time to recover his ego by previously examining the rocks in vicinity of where he fell.

So when the man pulled out a couple little pebbles similar in cleavage, quantity, and compression, with veins of quartz imbedded in the middle just like the tiny rock fragments found where he originally found at the scene, Mitsuhiko had a hunch that his suspicions were correct.

Of course, Ai breaking into the car and finding the mask plus the purse helped. Ayumi was aghast and nervous that they were going to be in trouble. Mitsuhiko himself didn't particularly like the ethics of it nor that Ai somehow knew how to do that.

Then again, they were in plain sight so they couldn't claim that the evidence was illegally obtained.

God, he over thinks things sometimes. Probably the reason for his constant headaches. No wonder his mother calls him an old man.

When the thief returned, he was furious and certainly would have given them a chase had Genta not kicked in the shins. Mitsuhiko may have been mature for his age but he wasn't old enough to understand the ethics of breaking more crimes in the act of solving one.

It was nothing like when they were six. This was a new game entirely.

Mitsuhiko used to think it was weird how Conan had acted sometimes, a bit too creepy for his liking. Ironically, he admired and respected that more then ever, getting childish glee at being compared to him.

Yet it made him sad as well. They would have become such awesome detectives if Conan was still there and he would never be able to rub it in his face. But he no longer wanted that really. He just wanted to see his best friend again.

The cops at the Koban weren't really surprised by their presence among them, with only the newbies now interfering at their adeptness at solving crimes. Of course they still got looks of disapproval, reminding Mitsuhiko of his nagging mom.

Good lord adults were such weirdos! They never wanted help from anyone, Mitsuhiko thought to himself. It must be an old person thing. The certainly didn't have a problem when Conan did it…

The woman whose purse was stolen was a blonde lady with green eyes and plump lips glossed with red lipstick. Mitsuhiko had a dual crush on both Ai and Ayumi but the looks of the lady made him forget about his future wives for a second.

The pretty lady then proceeded to kiss Genta and Mitsuhiko on the cheek as a token of her gratitude. Though Mitsuhiko's face was red and his palms were sweaty, for once he would not bare a grudge for the breach of his personal space.

Before Mitsuhiko could think of a way to embellish the moment for his classmates ( _Was this the so called "sex thing" the middle schoolers talked about?_ ) Ai was happy to spoil the mood by pinching his cheek.

"Ow, baka! Why didn't you do to Genta?"

Ai pointed to the side where Genta was rubbing the cheek where he had been kissed, a grossed out look on his face. Typical.

Moving on, they talked amongst themselves excited for the spring festivals that were imminent, enjoying life at it fullest. The sun was starting to set, so they decided to make it home before the orange glow in the horizon turned into an ocean of black space and blue stars stretching into the night for all eternity.

They were sorta hampered by greetings from various neighbors and shop owners. They were local celebrities after all, having even solved a couple murder cases, nightmares be damned. It did annoying at times but Mitsuhiko couldn't help but be a little smug.

They even managed to get interviewed on the national news! Who else could say that except-

Conan-kun.

They all missed him. They all wished that they could talk to him, play soccer with him, be a member of their group. Even if it was only for a day, or even couple minutes, just to tell him how important he was to them.

But that was never to be. At least, not at the moment. He knew he was out there somewhere, just waiting to be found, Mitsuhiko dreamed about it sometimes, of waking up in a dungeon chained with Conan. He used to look the same as he was when he was six but now all Mitsuhiko could see was him as the same age as him, somehow taller by a couple inches.

Boy where they going to rag on him when he came back. But in a way he didn't want to do that. What he did want to do was beat the bastards who took him to a bloody pulp, pour chilly powder in their eyes and nose, only then giving them to the police.

The funny thing was, that thaw was the catalyst that made them better detectives. They had never felt so useless.

 _T_ _hey actually used to believe that Conan had a bowtie that could imitate anyone else's voice or monogram tracking devices that could_ _track anyone it was imbedded in._ They had begged and begged the police to believe them but in the end it was just a childish fancy. Even Agasa said so.

So it was that day that they promised each other that they do better, so Conan-kun would have something to be proud of when he got back.

"Ah shit! I lost my candy!" Genta said out of nowhere, snapping Mitsuhiko out of his daydreaming.

Ai sighed and rubbed her head in exasperation, while Ayumi covered her mouth in shock.

This was his chance to look cool in front of the girls! Mitsuhiko definitely wasn't old enough to know how to properly cuss nor did he know how immature and stupid it made him sound but that didn't mean he wasn't going to try anyway.

"Genta-kun! You shouldn't curse like that." Ayumi said wagging her head in utter scandal, making Mitsuhiko pause his rather colorful stream of expletives.

When Conan-kun disappeared, Ayumi would cry incessantly, banging her fists against the floor and saying she wanted him back. At that age, it was impossible to grasp unfair things like death and disappearance. That made the trio make sure to never allow her to cry again, not only because it was always a wrong mean crime to make a girl cry but also because all they had left was each other.

The men bowed in apology but it was Ai that broke the awkward silence. Or maybe she just made it even more awkward.

"What do you expect from those two?," the ever dolorous yet droll ten year old Ai Haibara exclaimed with an almost invisible hint of a smirk, "don't they still watch Yaibahman?"

"Do not!" Mitsuhiko and Genta screamed in unison, denying the obvious truth.

"But Haibara-chan… Don't you still wear Digimon pant-"

Haibara's mouth stood agape with her cheeks rosy red before shakily covering Ayumi's mouth. Genta and Mitsuhiko smiled wickedly. There was no way in hell they were ever going to let that go.

Oddly enough, Haibara Ai changed the most but in a rather bizarre way that no one could expect.

Instead the shy scary know it all she was as a six year old she was replaced by more friendly and outgoing but still nightmare inducing red head. She was much more inclined to be happier now, but it had come at a great cost.

Ai was ultimately the one who took it the hardest. Its funny how you don't realize how close someone is to another when you're that young. They all knew that Ai and Conan were close but they didn't know how close until Conan was abducted.

She isolated herself completely, hiding her pain and misery like it was a easter egg. She refused to come out of her room despite their begging pleas. They tried to make her feel better but all that accomplished was her lashing out.

"SHUT UP, THE THREE OF YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Ai screamed at the top of her lungs, reverberating all throughout the Agasa Household like a gong being struck.

They all froze.

Don't any of you get it? Ai hissed in tantamount fury. "None of you…" Ai paused for a moment to catch her breath while hyperventelating, "Can possibly understand what I'm going through?"

Genta snapped back. "Of course we can!"

Ai's laugh was cruel and bitter, full of ice and salt. "No you don't! You idiots still don't get it. Can any of you comprehend how important he was t…" Ai stopped herself, shaking her head in disgust. Get out.

Ayumi came forward next." Please Ai, you're scaring us! What is Conan going to think when he gets back!"

Ai's eyes were flinty, full of brief cruelty and sharp as a Katana. "He's dead Ayumi. Forget about him and move on."

The group moved like flies in honey, utterly baffled at what Ai had just said. Ai was a bit of a jerk but never had she said anything as mean as that before. Ayumi ran out crying with Genta following in tow, leaving Ai and Mitsuhiko alone.

Ai's face changed as she realized what she just said. Tears ran down her rosy cheeks as she tried to apologize but Mitsuhiko didn't want to hear or see it. He would have hit her if she wasn't a girl.

Before slamming the door shut, Mitsuhiko said something he knew he would regret for the rest of his life, an additional weight to be borne to his dying day.

"I wish they took you instead of Conan!" He could Ai crying as he stomped down the stairs but he was much to angry to care. What she said was unforgivable.

Two days later Ai was taken to the hospital.

Agasa said that she fell down the stairs and split her head open. When Mitsuhiko heard the bad news the first time, he felt absolutely sick and morose, unable to bring himself to face her comatose body. Mitsuhiko knew that he would bear the guilt for what he said, even if Ai didn't remember it and he never told anyone else what he countered Ai's vicious but understandable sorrow. Had he never said it, Ai wouldn't have lost so much of her memory… And herself.

Suddenly he felt arms wrap around his chest. Mitsuhiko thought it was Genta about to screw with him, so struggled a bit until he heard a high pitched whimper, the obvious tell for either Ai or Ayumi.

It was amazing how a freckled, pockmarked face could turn from slightly peach to strawberry red. It was just like how he fantasized it, like something out of those Shojo manga _he totally didn't read!_

Mitsuhiko wished he could see behind him, just to see the jealous frown on Genta's face. Of course having a girl wasn't totally awesome as he thought it would be, as he wasn't prepared for it, and he definitely didn't want take advantage of the girl's fear.

He turned his head, revealing short red hair distinctive of the yawny faced devil woman. Mitsuhiko gently tried to slide out of Ai's caress, apologizing. Now Mitsuhiko felt really bad for enjoying it, as Ai looked like she was going to cry.

"Ai-chan… Why are you crying?" Ayumi and Genta was getting closer, worried and wondering why she had ended her four year streak of never crying even when she have.

Ai sniffled. "I don't know!"

That was until Ai pointed to the front, behind Mitsuhiko. Everyone else suddenly froze with a frightened look in their eyes. He turned around, now realizing that he, while in the midst of having fun with his friends, wandered haphazardly into a place not a single one of them wanted to go.

None of them liked going to go this way. Near here was the telephone where Kudo-kun was murdered. It was now almost permanently shunned due to fears that his ghost still haunted the place. It made them all feel sorry Mouri-chan, whose boyfriend Kudo-kun had been, though she denied it every time.

Mitsuhiko both hated and admired the deceased teenage detective. Despite everyone claiming that Conan considered Kudo-kun a hero, he honestly never talked about him that often. Come to think of it, Conan barely talked about himself. His parents must have been really mean though, as they never showed up to grieve for their son. Maybe that was why Conan didn't talk much. That made Mitsuhiko sad.

Watching the videos of Kudo and Conan separately proved how little he knew his friend. Conan copied his mannerisms and expressions to the last smirk.

In a way, Mitsuhiko admired him for that… But he had left Mouri-chan all alone! She was so sweet and kind, and Kudo-kun just abandoned her for the next case, probably murdered by the Yakuza like his parents and all the adults said he was.

Adults also said that he was a idiot for doing something he wasn't ready for and blamed him for his own death. That wasn't fair. He died trying to help people, why would they ever say something so cruel? Sometimes, Mitsuhiko thought that adults are a bit too pessimistic for his liking. His mother and all of the other member's parents openly disapproved of what the Detective Boys did, trying stint their job at any opportunity.

But then Mitsuhiko realized that he wouldn't ever be as brave as Sato-kun, Ran-chan, Kudo-kun and particularly Conan. If he had to choose between solving a dangerous case on his own or going to the proper authorities, he probably choose the latter. The boy just couldn't bare leaving his parents, friends, and future/potential girlfriends to cry over his demise.

He doubted he would ever do anything that selfish.

So with a sigh, he lead Ayumi away, ignoring any embarrassment for the time being. It was time to go.

The dark permeated through the town, making it look like the corners were draped in black bedsheets. It was right between the interstice colliding along the setting of the sun, a faint red glow being the only source of natural light. Street lamps were alight, bringing forth a swarming cloud of moth's and beetles. Fireflies buzzed around the small group, creating miniature torches to swipe at while their real target the mosquitoes gnawed on their vulnerable flesh.

Their parents were going to be so mad when they got home! Mitsuhiko visibly winced at the pace they were going. They had to circumvent around the city in a rather illogical and time consuming way because the street with the booth had been the quickest route.

Maybe they could ask Agasa for a ride. His house was the least far, only 45 minutes or so away. He considered the Mouri's but then he remembered why that was a bad idea

Oddly enough, this would prove beneficial but not in the way the gaggle believed it would.

While walking a leisurely yet brisk pace, Mitsuhiko started to remember microscopic little details that nagged at his subconscious, that he was too young at the time to understand. that he was too busy being a kid to properly notice, that was now finishing its four year long processing

Deja vu was setting in. Something about his surroundings didn't appear to right. His intuition was kicking in and it all centered on that house.

There was a house in the corner of the street. It was largely overgrown with thickets of weeds, but the basic structure and architectural details remained the same, even if the roof tiles were falling down and the windows were all broken. Upon the door was a yellow saltire with black Kanji glossed upon it, indicating that no one was supposed to enter.

The young sleuth made a pose that was reminiscent of Conan. Everyone noticed it.

Mitsuhiko-kun? Whats wrong?

Everything was wrong though he was the only one who noticed it right away. Memories withheld and dissipated like morning fog were starting to return, unbidden.

Just weeks before Conan was kidnapped, he had seen a foreclosure sign on that same house. Mitsuhiko only remembered it because while walking home with the other three (No, four, it was four!).

Ayumi had said that the house that she got a bad vibe going past that house. Mitsuhiko himself got the creeps more then once. Ai went on a rant about the "anticulated" (that was what it sounded like.) resident laws.

Processing his thoughts felt like rewinding a Betamax tape. Everything, from the photographic memories to the blurry scenes he had experienced came out with static as he picked out minute details he never observed the first time speeding past him.

An average human male could run 100 meters in ten to twenty seconds.

A city block is around 200 meters…

Agasa's house was only a 45 minutes walk away from here…

This house would be the perfect place to hide if no one knew where to look…

This place was creepy as hell...

Then came the stinger, the tragedy now apparent as Mitsuhiko gulped.

They were totally going to investigate that house. Genta had planned it a few days before Conan was kidnapped, thinking there would be ghosts and Yokai to discover hidden within the mysterious confines. But they never went there.

Mitsuhiko ran, tears gushing out of his eyes, glistening. Any rational thinking that Conan would have possessed was overtaken by raw emotions. His mind was not thinking in terms of coherent thought but of instinctual sense. Adrenaline, guilt, shame, regret, and finally fear. Well at least not fear for himself.

"Conan!" Mitsuhiko yelled incessantly, perhaps out of some foolish childish safety mechanism as if crying out for his friend would bring him back.

 _Conan_ he screeched again, ignoring the worried cries of the Detective Boys as his name rang around the.

 _Conan_ he yelped, as imaginative fancies of him being locked in some dungeon waiting to rescued evaporated like morning mist.

 _Conan_ , he cried out wanting and wishing his friend to be alive.

 _Conan_ , Mitsuhiko sobbed now knowing he would never explore, play, or talk to his friend again.

But he needed to see it, or so he believed at the time. In retrospect Mitsuhiko would forever be haunted by what he discovered in the house that would take more and more of his innocence.

As he went to the door, a simple push slid it open rather easily, the tape having clearly been cut off where it kept the door closed. The ground was covered in grime and broken glass, the worn dust covered furniture full of holes, and the remnants of the carpet wouldn't have protected his feet if he wasn't wearing sneakers.

They had walked past this house thousands of times, before, during, and after. Was he here this whole time and they never even gave it a second thought as to why this particular home gave them all ill feelings?

 _Was Conan's body-_

Oh god. Mitsuhiko had to clutch a corner of dilapidated wall to steady himself, leaning his back to rest. Problem was that most of the paint was chalking, and likewise stained his clothes and left hand. Plus he made the sorry error of resting his other hand into a spider web. He jerked his hand back as he felt a sharp pinprick on the top.

"Ow!" It really hurt but he didn't have time to ponder it. He stared listlessly at the ground, watching Silverfish, Cockroaches, Pillbugs and Earwigs scurry about on the ground. Had it been any other time or place he might have gazed in wonder, maybe been a more inquisitive about the fauna living here.

 _Did Conan really die in such a filthy place?_

The detective boys were coming he knew. Mitsuhiko only had a few seconds to get a look at the interior. The room he was in seemed to be the only room in the downstairs, given the lack of further debris and wall remnants. His eyes inclined to the right…

The stairs!

Mitsuhiko ran, just as his friends got in. Before they could stop him, he was almost halfway up the rickety steps. Then he tripped, grazing his knee on the bare room. Somewhere, Ai and Ayumi screamed but he was not in the right mind to care whether it was due to him or the various insects and arachnids.

Somehow he made it and his eyes were fixed on some object he was too dazed to visually comprehend.

"Mitsuhiko-kun!" Ai-chan said seriously. "We're not supposed to be here! Breaking and entering is a crime! If we don't leave-"

Mitsuhiko wasn't listening to his peers. Nor was he particularly paying focus to how fast his heart was beating. His vision and mind was clear enough to finally see the image in front of him.

It was a box. More specifically one of those fancy ornate boxes that were use for toys. It had a lock on it and everything. But it appeared the lock was unlatched, whether from the deep scratches on the clasp or the rusted hinges he would never find out.

Ai grimaced when she saw the spider bite, but Mitsuhiko was panicking. With last of his politeness he gently pushed her away, bolted to the chest and lifted it up with both hands.

That was when everyone else realized what Mitsuhiko expected to find.

Mitsuhiko sucked in his breath as his friends froze when the box was finally opened. The acrid scent of bleach topped off with the rather faint smell of copper made all in the abandoned building want to hurl.

Inside the mostly empty box were clothes. More to a point a blue suit with suspenders. Well fitted for a six year old.

Mitsuhiko wasn't old enough to understand many things. But he knew perfectly well when he came across a murder victim.

.

.

.

 **End of Act I**

 **There. You are officially caught up.**

 **Hello, RevolverOtacon here, I'd like to congratulate you for reading this far. If you new, thank you for the support! If you're old well I have a message for you.**

 **First of all, I am officially Highschool graduate!**

 **Secondly, I didn't disappear. I've been writing. Weird isn't it? The difference here is that I've been unusually productive, working on this story and many others. Sadly this was the only I managed to release in time and on a different website, AO3 to be exact. I love it but don't worry I am not leaving you guys! I would have posted a link but Fanfiction is weird about that for some reason. So I made the decision to bring it here.**

 **Sadly, I woke up this morning depressed. I haven't really wrote anything in the past few days. Luckily the excitement of giving you guys a new story has propelled me to new emotional heights! Still gonna take a break though. Sorry!**

 **Act 1 Notes:**

 **1\. The original reason why I didn't upload this to Fanfiction is because I got annoyed by the amount of stories with T's in the beginning. It seemed uncreative but I forgot the new name I came up with on this fic, so I just went with the tentative one. Hopefully there won't be any more T's!**

 **2\. There are lots of Gun's going off. Specifically Checkov's Gun's. There's a lot of red heirings as well.**

 **3\. To get it out of the way now, I'm shipping Eisuke x Ran. I know some shippers are tribalistic about it, so if you do not care that much for it, then I apologize but I'm not changing my mind. Honestly Shinichi's jealousy kind of makes me think he's a asshole at these moments. I get it when it's a obvious pervert or jerkass but what the fuck did Eisuke do to deserve it? He's a nice guy, Shinichi could be less of a prick about it, it just makes him look possessive and non caring about Ran's own personal choices. I also thought that with Shinichi dead, who else would be a perfect match? Don't get me wrong, I like Shinichi (especially since he is autistic.) but sometimes I can relate to Eisuke more in these moments. Don't worry its a long haul until they're actually a couple.**

 **4\. I based the killer off of Tsutomu Miyazaki. I based the letter off of the Axeman's and Albert Fish's letters. They are actually real, so learn about them on your own risk.**

 **5\. This fic was inspired by a multitude of idea's I saw in other fics that weren't approached the way I wanted them to. (things like Shinichi's lies imploding, what would happen to Ran if Conan disappeared or Shinichi was murdered, the detective boys being competent while wondering what happened to Conan, etc.)**

 **6\. This isn't just a serial killer fic. There will be a lot more going on then that.**

 **7\. I will include as many fan favorite DC characters that I can, but here's the problem. I simply don't have time to read all 1000 chapters and 900 episodes so I have to cut a few I don't know. However, since I am watching Magic Kaito and it is significantly shorter, I can say that he will be in here!**


	5. Spouse's Armistance

_File 1001 page 2_

 _The identity of Shinichi Kudo's murderer is a question that has yet to be solved._

 _While commonly theorized to be connected with Conan Edogawa's disappearance, this has yet to be proven and might perhaps be coincidental due to both crimes being in the same city._

 _However, what stokes these rumors was the conclusion that Shinichi Kudo ran afoul of some Boryokudan, and was murdered by said entity. This theory is now widely accepted but therein lies the problem._

 _The Kuchisake-Gumi, Chizuka-Kai, Gozu-ikka, their affiliates and smaller independent syndicates were quick to deny that they took any part in Kudo-san's murder. This by itself is not a indicator of innocence. But the actions following the accusations were… Odd._

 _It seemed that the Kumicho were quite aware of the PR storm that was brewing when they were accused of having a part in the murder of such a public and popular figure. Fearing further damaging regulations after the passing of the Yakuza Exclusion Ordinances, they did something that wasn't expected and was likely a bitter pill to swallow._

 _In short they cooperated with the police._

 _While the Yakuza had helped the police before, the passage of the Anti Gang laws had made each member hostile to authority and more likely to hide in the shadows._

 _It seemed that the powers that be felt like they didn't have a choice in the matter and quickly spent millions of yen on access to security tapes, testimonies from witnesses and other indicators of alibi's for the groups. While some of them are thought to be fabricated, many of the leaders actually sent some of the more violent and uncouth members to confess to crimes as a matter to square with the police._

 _This worked. Feeling satisfied with the veracity of the confessions and alibi's, the Superintendent agreed to cease clamping down on the gangs… Under the condition that they keep what they did a secret._

 _However, when I was investigating, I came across a informant that could have broken the case if I had managed to meet up with him._

 _Going by the handle "Mycroft" the informant contacted me and said that there was a whole other picture I was missing. When I pressed him for info, his voice (which was heavily disguised by a voice manipulator) got high pitched and told me to meet him at the crime scene._

 _Sadly, Mycroft or whoever he had been was found later in his apartment dead with a seemingly self inflicted gunshot wound to the head._

 _The coroner ruled it a suicide. I have my doubts._

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Of all the ways Eri thought her weekend would have gone, picking up after Kogoro wasn't one of them.

It had all started so simple. Reiko had called, insisting that Eri go on a double date with her. Eri meanwhile was sitting down and drinking tea that was immediately spit out when Reiko said that out of nowhere.

Goro brushed against her leg affectionately, with Eri responding in kind with a scratch behind the ears. In the end Eri calmed down enough to listen/

Eri couldn't help but smile a little at Reiko's charm. It was a wonder that just three years ago, they had been bitter enemies (well at least in Reiko's mind). After everything they had done to help each other, with Reiko helping Eri with the futile attempt to get Conan's records, and Eri in turn acknowledging her rival, it would be more shocking if they hadn't became friends.

Granted they would forget that occasionally for the sake of professional courtesy and avoiding bias on the courtroom, but they respected their jobs too much to be corrupt. They may be friends but they took their jobs seriously.

Eri noticed how quiet and empty her apartment was. Ran was spending the weekend with her friends in Osaka and while Ran wasn't loud per say, she still had a presence that was only matched by her big heart. Without it, the world appeared slightly drab in comparison.

Eri hadn't dated after divorcing Kogoro, fearing how Ran would take it. So she tried to wiggle out of it by saying that she was afraid of what Ran would think.

Reiko saw through her excuse quickly. "Didn't you just tell me that Ran and her friends are visiting their friends in Osaka? C'mon, this is the first time you had a vacation in years! And the guy is pretty handsome and just your type! Please Eri-chan, the guy I'm with isn't near as hot as your date. I'm doing you a favor if I'm being honest."

While many of her friends drank gallons when they had free time (considering the stress filled dangers of Karoshi and of being a working class woman in a patriarchal society, it would be strange if there wasn't any cooling off.) Eri herself had been sober since college, drinking only minute amounts.

Maybe seeing many drunk old men (or Kogoro, though at one point she took it as flirtation and Kogoro's ass was grass once she returned in kind) pinch young butt cheeks until they felt like a pincushion had completely turned her off of booze.

And to a lesser extent men too. Eri had only let Kogoro hang on to her like driftwood and seaweed and look how that that turned out?

Still Reiko had a point. This was the first private day she had had in years. And she did say he was handsome...

Definitely idiotic, Eri finally capituated to Reiko's demands. It seemed that this was one battle the Madonna of Courtrooms would win against her. The problem was, it had been so long since she had gone on a date, that she honestly didn't know what to do.

So she did her best. Eri put on some red lipstick that accented her plump pouty lips, eyeliner that brought out the color in her eyes and a dress that revealed cleavage.

That part made her blush. Apparently all her non work clothes had shrunk since the time she and Kogoro were together. If Reiko's date was a pervert and just stared at her chest all night, then Eri was seriously considering trying to have Reiko disbarred.

The date was a hour away when she received the call.

When she first saw it was a hospital number, Eri answered it quickly, thinking something happened to Ran. Even the most rational adults felt frightened of everything they think could happen to their children.

But she was quickly dissuaded when she saw the number came not from Osaka but here in Tokyo. Answering the call had been the first mistake.

It was Kogoro. He was hurt.

Eri was harsher to the caller then she might have originally been otherwise. Particularly upon hearing that not only was she on Kogoro's emergency contacts but that he has been in the hospital for three days and they only now just told her.

What if Ran had found out before her? Sighing and fuming, Eri went outside to hail a cab just so she could tell him off once again. She had made it quite clear that hadn't wanted anything to do with him and yet he still insisted upon trying to force her to clean up his messes.

It was a lucky thing she got there when she did. Water droplets were starting to fall out of the pitch black sky and Eri hadn't brought a umbrella.

Once she made it in, she noticed all eyes staring at her, either disapproving of her provocative outfit or drooling over it. Eri had too much pride to get any of them the time of day, so she made it to the desk with her head up high.

Then the doctor came in, an old man with ashen white short neatly trimmed hair. He was polite enough and was one of the few in the entire building who didn't shame or lust after her. As it turned out Kogoro was close by in the ICU. Eri didn't listen to the rest of what he was saying, trying to imagine what idiotic thing Kogoro had done to warrant a trip her.

Probably tripped over broken shards of glass or having accidentally smothered himself with his own pillow.

Eri payed attention to how bright the whites of the building hallways were. Couldn't they have picked a color that didn't represent death? In the end it wasn't a long walk and Eri could tell where Kogoro was before the doctor announced it.

Eri's nose wrinkled in disgust. Kogoro smelled like he hadn't bathed in weeks. And that wasn't just a metaphor. She could easily smell him outside the room.

The nurse wasn't as polite as the doctor. While she quickly threw jibes in Kogoro's direction, the nurse had the audacity to stare in digust.

Once she was led into the room, Eri couldn't wait to go off on him. "Well?", she coolly exclaimed with a icy hint to her voice, "What do you have to say this time? Let me guess, one of the barmaids you like defended herself from… From…. Fr…"

Eri stopped in mid sentence when the nurse opened the curtain, to give her a nice view of the man who had been her husband.

Shocked, Eri's hands covered her mouth, horrified at the sight before her. Last time she saw Kogoro he was drunk but at the very least he appeared to be taking care of himself but this…

His fingernails had to be two to three inches long, ingrained with grime and other foulness Eri didn't want to think about. Eri's eyes followed up the rest of his arm reluctantly, seeing his smashed dented knuckles almost threaded out of his fists. Traveling up the lower arms, Eri realized that one was swollen with a infection and the other skeleton thin, with bandages covered in black blood.

Eri couldn't help but shed tears. Even Kogoro didn't deserve such a state, how did Ran not notice? He looked almost ten years older, his mustache hanging from his face like some of cobweb speckled with ants and skull appearing to try and escape the tight contours of his face.

Somehow Kogoro was both taking up too much and too little space. Eri nervously touched a strand of Kogoro's hair, afraid that it would rip apart at the heam if she curled it in her fingers.

Was she staring at her ex husband or a scarecrow?

Eri couldn't stand it anymore. She left the room, breathing heavily.

She numbly registered signing a bunch of paperwork, before sitting down all tired like she hadn't slept in days. She was surprised at how well she was taking this. Kogoro would have come rushing in, pushing everyone out of the way, demanding to see her, and when he finally got there he was bawling his eyes and blaming the doctors.

He was always the more emotional of the two. In a way that made her think they were perfect for each other. That was the way the momentum of their relationship worked. Eri acted while Kogoro reacted

When they were fighting, Kogoro would call her all sorts of names. Bitch, Old Lady, Yuki-Onna, those were the highlights. It was always so childish, him having to resort to curses when he couldn't debate her intellectually.

If Eri thought Kogoro was capable, she'd think that this was all just a elaborate attempt to get back together, to make himself so pathetic that Eri would have no choice but to help him. Well, she did feel sorry for him, as any human being could feel sorry for another human being but...

Huh. Maybe she did have a heart of ice.

But then she remembered what Ran had gone through, what Kogoro had seen to his daughter. His daughter! Ran had only stayed out of some childish obligation to get them back together. Eri had thought about taking her with away when she left but in her naivety she thought that Ran could help Kogoro change… And at that time she thought she would come back.

But she never did.

It was one thing to hurt each other, it was one thing to hurt himself but it another for Kogoro's toxicity to hurt Ran. Honestly it was her fault for not seeing it sooner. Eri had latched onto to the past as the present sped by, crashing into the future before she could see Ran go from a little girl to a young woman, as she gained and lost a little brother.

The worst part of it was that while the chaos was going on, Eri couldn't do anything legally to get Ran out of there. She still was Eri Mouri even after the divorce due to Japan's archaic family laws. Kisaki was more wishful thinking then set in stone.

Kogoro bungled up any crime scene he was at, effectively stalking the police and letting his arrogance get the best of him. Showing up drunk didn't make things any better, and in a instant his reputation was ruined.

Eri could feel sorry for Kogoro, Eri could pity Kogoro, but Eri could never forgive Kogoro.

Scowling, Eri texted Reiko, saying that she had to cancel. She sounded disappointed but the tone of Eri's voice got the point across easily. As much as she wanted to go, she had to make sure he was okay before leaving. That was the most that she owed him though.

Eri fell asleep on the chair, listening to the rain and thunder outside.

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Kogoro's screams woke her up.

Eri jolted awake, her heart quickening it's pace. She rushed into the room, watching kogoro tremble and shake while he whimpered like a child. Eri ran out screaming, but the doctors and nurses had already arrived, holding Kogoro down and injecting a syringe into his veins.

The doctor told her later that he was suffering from severe alcohol withdrawal. The only thing that surprised Eri was that it had taken this long for it to take effect. The doctor said due to how sick he was, he doubted that Kogoro could move from where he lied. And what's worse, had he continued this for less then five month's, Kogoro would have had inoperable liver damage and died not long after.

Great, the only time he's been sober since twenty and he's horribly sick. It seemed so long ago that they were sharing Martini's on their honeymoon. Kogoro was still fit and clean shaven while Eri still giggled like the optimistic young girl she was.

They both went into the justice system after that and that was where their irreconciable differences stemmed. The jobs they got couldn't be more suited for the two and they had promised themselves to help each other… It made Eri sadly nostalgic to think about how their path's soured quickly.

Eri later left to get lunch for herself and take a shower to get the smell of Kogoro off of her. The rains had stopped with the pleasant smell of petrichor slowly wafting out Kogoro's stink. It was still rather misty and cloudy, still Eri made it to home easily enough.

That was when Megure and Shiratori visited her. Without knocking.

They were lucky that she was only beginning to change. Otherwise she would have cracked open their skulls. Then again, given how they botched up Conan's and Shinichi's case she'd probably do worse then that.

Shiratori being younger was the only one with the grace to blush. Megure looked more annoyed then bashful, and led Shiratori out with his hand pinching his ear.

It was too much to hope that they would leave, so Eri slid her stockings back on and zipped her dress back up. Just to be predictable, Megure knocked on the door.

Eri obliged them. "Officers Megure, Shiratori." She acknowledged them with stiff curt nod, doing her best to keep herself from glaring and not necessarily succeeding.

"May we come in? Eri stopped them with a look when they tried to do exactly that. Megure sighed, a sad look enveloping his face. "Eri I don't want to fight… Just we have a update okay?"

The days where Eri would have been optimistic about those words were long gone. Still, there was always a chance… Eri braced herself for disappointment, giving a guarded look.

"What kind of update." Eri asked skeptically.

Megure glanced around uncomfortably, looking the most reluctant she had ever seen him. Defeated, and with a sigh, he finally spoke. "We have a letter from the killer. We have authenticated it."

Many thoughts swirled inside Eri's mind like a whirlpool. She realized all of a sudden that she hadn't asked the doctors what exactly put Kogoro in the hospital. Had he been attacked? Most other thoughts were more brief and brought up disturbing images.

 _Where there fingerprints? What did the letter say? How did the police receive it? How could they be sure it was real?_ But one question most of all.

Whose killer? Shinichi's? Eri prayed that he was what Megure was talking about. But since when were prayers ever answered?

"No." Megure said gruffly. "Conan's."

That shocked Eri to her core even though she already knew it to be true. She suddenly felt her legs turn to jelly. She didn't think she could feel any possible disgust towards the person who took him away like some kind of ghoul… Or fear that she had been right this time.

How could anyone do that to a child, and feel the need to brag about it?

But she long learnt not to show weakness. So, reluctantly she pushed her fears to the side, and put her mask back on.

Can I see the letter?" Eri said without thinking. Truth was she didn't really want to see it but she felt like she needed closure in some way.

Megure looked like he was about to slap her for even suggesting the idea. "No, Eri I'm sorry but-"

The woman glowered at the two, frightening both of them though in different ways. The fact that they thought that she couldn't handle the letter or that she wasn't entitled to read it. A thunder clap surged above them. There was no way she was letting them in now.

Eri… Megure said quietly suddenly going white. "The reason I'm not showing the letter isn't because I think you wouldn't be strong to handle it. I'm refusing to because you do not need those images in your head. It's the reason Kogoro is in the hospital." Eri's disapproving face was replaced a subtle look of horror and understanding. She couldn't believe that was how Kogoro's life could have ended…

Megure continued on. It's sick that the case took a turn like this… I know I failed you and the Kudo's. It hasn't been easy with Sato getting fired and Takagi resigning. But you got to understand. We've never felt so pathetic then now."

Sympathetic eyes met tired orbs as rain droplets dripped from the hat. Eri couldn't help but temporarily drain the hatred he felt for the man. Megure may have been proven to incompetent like her husband but he did try with everything he had. It wasn't his fault.

A more salty rain was falling from Eri's eyes. How am I going to tell my daughter? She believes Conan is still alive.

Shiratori and Megure bowed their heads in shame, their soaked uniforms contrasting against the blue gray sky. After what seemed like an eternity, Megure found his tongue. "I don't know. She's one of the people who didn't deserve any of this…"

Megure's eyes shifted uncomfortably to the side again, changing the subject to avoid talking about it. "Have you seen Kogoro?"

"Yes I have."

Megure's eyes lit up in surprise. So you know why he's there? There was a slightly accusatory tone in there that Eri didn't particularly care for.

"I do now."

Megure sighed, saying nothing more, knowing nothing else could be done for his best friend. So silently, he drifted off into the graying afternoon, a long since humbled Shiratori quick in tow.

Inside the apartment, silence ruled. It was quickly overthrown by tears of frustration and anguish. A vase was dropped on the floor, breaking into a million pieces like her little girl's heart would be once she heard the news. Ran was not going to like this. That was a understatement, this was going to kill her!

 _What should I do?_ Eri had never been so unsure of herself in her entire life. Part of her wanted to tell Ran immediately, that was the part that wanted to react. But the part that wanted to act knew that it would completely ruin her trip. She deserved to have a few more days happiness, before…

Eri sighed calming herself. This was not going to help anyone. She had to spend a few hours alone to collect herself again. After a few hours of shuddering and gasping, Eri had stilled her heart to a point where she could reluctantly visit Kogoro.

Changing out of her saucy dress clothes and into something more formal, Eri returned to the hospital around nine. All the lights to the rooms had been turned off to help the patients sleep. How that benefited the insomniacs, Eri didn't know.

Lights in the hospital flickered on and off, making the whites surrounding her look all washed out. But when she got to her ex's room, it was pitch back.

Using her phone as a flashlight, though Kogoro's shaking frame was visible even in the pitch darkness, Eri could see fresh vomit on his face.

Annoyed at the nurse for not noticing and herself for letting herself baby the adult baby, she pulled out some pocket tissues and proceeded to gingery wipe his face clean. Kogoro stirred, laying his head to the side.

"Ran… R-Ran. Please… I love you Eri… I'll change Eri just don't take her away…" He winced.

Eri remembered that well, Kogoro had come over in a rage, demanding to see Ran. But Eri silenced him by showing the divorce papers. That wince might have came after she slammed the door in his face. After that, Kogoro was seldom thought about again.

He deserved this really. If any fool who took life and all that was important to him as joke were to have bad karma, then Kogoro the Clown was certainly it.

But seeing him like this… As much as she despised him, there was too much pity and sentimentallity in her to just leave him like this.

Eri sighed, her left eyebrow twitching in the similar way Ran's did. _One night, one time no exceptions. You better enjoy it while it lasts._ Eri took off her glasses and shoes, laying them neat and orderly in the corner as she untucked Kogoro. _And if you grope me I'm throwing you out the window._

It was just Eri's luck that they put a catheder in Kogoro. Then again, the idea of lugging Kogoro around to the bathroom, and seeing and smelling his waste made her stomach churn.

Carefully, she positioned herself in a way that simultaneously avoiding blocking the IV's and gave Kogoro as much comfort as she could allow. It came at the expense of her own comfort, lying half on her side, half on her back as she bent like a human question mark. She was starting to regret this already.

But when Kogoro's incessant trembling lessened in ferocity, and his arms began to wrap around her waist, Eri nearly punched him due to the proximity to her rear. But to Eri's surprise, he moved his thin arm up her back and wrapped around her, holding her tight like a teddy bear or more likely in Kogoro's case, a body pillow.

Which in a sick way was funny, considering that he weighed as much as a stuffed animal.

Honestly she did expect much in the way of positive emotions. Maybe a blush from his sudden touch or a sad melancholic memory of when they used to cuddle as kids.

There was none of that.

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Eri didn't really sleep that night as much as rest her eyes for a few hours. She glanced out the window to see the cornflower blue sky draped with hints of indigo, showing that morning was coming soon.

The nurse was the one who interrupted them in their rather unnatural Frankenstein style embrace. She gasped in shock, then glared at Eri with eyes that could pierce solid steel, threatening to get the doctor. Eri was unafraid but took it as her invitation to leave.

"Eri? Is that you?"

Carefully requisitioning herself out of Kogoro's hold, Eri sat up ignoring her ex, ready to get Kogoro out of her life once and for all.

"Eri I'm sorry just let me-"

Eri growled in rage, staring at her ex with murderous intent, and clenching her teeth in rage.

Eri rounded on Kogoro, stomping towards his cot before bended over to scream in his puffy, frustratingly dull face. "You're sorry? That's all you have to say after the hell you put us through!"

"Eri…"

"No, you be quiet now. It's a wonder I ever loved you in the first place. How could I not see how fucked up you were?" Eri's voice broke. Finally unable to keep her emotions in check, Eri let it all spill out. "It was because I knew you since we were kids! I had a bias towards you, I couldn't even see the real you. Now look at you! What you have done to everyone around you has finally reflected back to you."

"Eri, please le-"

"No! Have you seen your daughter sober lately? She still loves you. I don't know why! You're the reason she was tortured so much! Now tell me Kogoro, where were you when that was happening. _Where were you!_ "

Kogoro seemed at a lost for words. He licked his lips unsure of what to say. Finally he spoke.

"Where… Were you?" Kogoro croaked.

Eri's head snapped back in utter umbrage, grinding her teeth in rage. But giving Kogoro the satisfaction of seeing her react stayed her anger. So instead her face settled on a neutral expression of icy disgust.

She had never seen Kogoro like this. Maybe it was because he was sober but he seemed more mature then usual. It was probably a mirage.

"Eri… Ther-there is nothing you can say to me that I don't already know. I was a shitty husband and a even worse father. It's my fault that Conan disappeared and my fault that Ran went through hell like that..."

"You're right." Eri turned to leave until Kogoro raised his voice.

" _I'm. Not. Finished."_

Kogoro gritted those words through his teeth as if it was the difficult thing for them to pass. Eri was suddenly quite uncomfortable. Usually her lout of a ex would have given up by now or gone into the steady routine of cursing and calling names. This time though, it seemed for the first time in his life, Kogoro Mouri was being serious.

"I'm honest about how much I fucked up… But you got to share some of the blame here too. I know that you are better then me, heh, that's not hard but think about it."

"You could been there more. You could have talked and spent time with the both of them. You knew you were right about me but you hated me so much that you couldn't help but ignore Ran and Conan. You buried yourself in your career while my tomb was booze and gambling. I'm honest about what I am… How bout you?"

Going back to unconsciousness, Kogoro left his words to simmer in the air, leaving Eri alone with her thoughts.

That was probably the cruelest thing Kogoro had ever done.

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 **I'll think I'll let the chapter speak for itself and give you my notes at the end of the Act.**

 **Sorry about being late. I had personal stuff going on and needed to help a friend.**

 **Yep, so Takagi and Sato are no longer police officers and never got together. And that isn't even the worst part, muhahahahhaha!**

 **I decided to use my made up Yakuza Orgs because I don't feel comfortable using the real syndicates. Don't worry they have a bigger part in TMOTCE.**

 **So this is where everything starts to come together. Those last chapters were just an appetizer now were on the first course. (:**

 **Just to understand how this story's structure works, it begins with a prologue in the past, then five acts with a different number of chapters within, and finally a epilogue into the future. Don't get your hopes up for a happy ending though.**

 **Another thing to note is that this story is told by picturesque memories and as a result is told in a non linear fashion. Memories may be different, flawed, more detailed, etc.**

 **Also thanks CoyoteFang1987 for the save! It will be fixed by the time you read this!**


	6. Lovesick

Tragedy makes queer bedfellows.

Right now he couldn't be worried about that. He probably needed lunch to facilitate his body and prevent it from becoming scrawny- Well, scrawnier, but right now he was thinking about someone else.

Then again, who else did he think about 24/7? Eisuke could get cancer right now, suffer from all its malevolent symptoms and the chemotherapy, and still he would drag his emaciated body just to see Ran one last time.

Hopefully it would occur before he could figure out what to get Ran for her birthday. Eisuke wasn't good at these kind of things, often running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Should he give her a plushie? No she would think he saw her like a child. Jewelry? No, that was weird and Ran would think he was a creep. But what then?

Someone cleared his throat. Eisuke snapped out of his thoughts to realize that he was now at the front of the line. The guy behind the counter looked confused but a quick glance behind him revealing a irritated looking mob. Genuinely apologetic, he bowed in a gesture of apology.

Now Eisuke was awkwardly aware that he didn't really have a idea of what he wanted. His allowance wasn't a large sum do to him not wanting to burden his guardian's meager savings, so Eisuke decided to just get whatever he could afford whether he liked it or not.

Hoping he didn't forget his wallet again, Eisuke reached into his back pocket and felt the familiar chunk of letter. Relieved, Eisuke open the wallet, only for it to slip out of his fingers. A few bumbling attempts to catch it in the air ended in predictable failure, spilling Yen and Sens everywhere. With a sigh, and a sense of panic as people all around him tried to catch the coins, Eisuke scrambled to catch it, bending over, then-

 _Eeek!_ A sudden pinch on his left cheek made the boy jump in the air, clutching his backside. Eisuke turned around blushing to see that a student he didn't know (probably a freshman.) was the perpetrator.

He a beefy and well muscled, that conflicted with his pinched sallow cheeks and huge overbite. The lewd grin on his face was gone in seconds.

"Y-You're a-a man?" The pervert went from red to green, covering his mouth as he rushed to throw up. Or so Eisuke presumed.

All thoughts of lunch forgotten, his fear of being fondled by unknowing freshman again spoiling his appetite, Eisuke hurried to pick up the contents of his wallet, which had Hello Kitty on the sides, which was also the only one Eisuke could afford, though sometimes just looking at it tested his manhood severely.

No wonder he was always mistaken for a girl.

With the remains of his money now safe until the next inevitable disaster, Eisuke decided it would probably be best if he just sat on a bench for a while.

Amazingly, the usually perilous journey was much less dangerous by comparison, with him barely tripping over anything and not accidentally glomping anyone for once. People who weren't his friends but saw him often knew to keep their distance from Eisuke. Others would make fun of or yell at him.

But in this case, he was fine with that. He didn't know whether or not Ran and he would ever be together but he knew her pain well enough.

Eisuke had come to Japan to look for his older sister. The friend of the family who had taken care of him tried to put his foot down. Usually this would make him reconsider but Eisuke summoned all of his bravery and success

Then two month's later, the body of Rena Mizunashi was found, half submerged in a miniscule pond just big enough to hold three normal sized people. But she was the only there.

In the beginning, it was hard to even recognize her as the newscaster from T.V. She had been shot twice in the back of the head with hollow points, making the top half of her face nothing more then a head of hair with four gargantuan holes where her eyes, forehead and nose would be.

The pond itself didn't do her any favors either. She had spent a couple days in the water and as a result was bloated and watterlogged. Even though she was older, Eisuke couldn't recognize her when he saw the morgue photos

For a few brief moments, Eisuke was gifted with the bliss of denial. Her blood type was different, so that she wasn't Hidemi!... But the dental records didn't lie, nor did his rationality. Hidemi, the sister who had gone to find no matter the cost, was dead.

The corpse- no his sister- had enough teeth left to confirm a positive match. Eisuke didn't listen to the questions regarding Hidemi such as where he saw her last saw the one true anchor of his family's love or why she chose a different identity or pseudonym. They were harsh to him but Eisuke was too numb to register it. He just wanted to see the body so he could see his sister one last time, but that query was gently rebuffed.

Eisuke would later thank them for it, as when watching the press conference, the detective giving it didn't hold anything back. The truth was that he was much too cowardly and scared to make his sister's death a reality.

Eisuke couldn't even pay for her funeral. He had to rely on the donations of "Rena's" many fans to give her a proper cremation. With his father dead, he was supposed to be the man of his household yet he couldn't even save his sister from whoever killed her.

A disgusting image pulsated through his head, like a sudden squall. Her tongue had been eaten, whether by fish or birds, Eisuke would never know. He would never here her voice again, never be soothed by his sister's caress or even hug him.

Grief hit him at a hundred miles a hour, crushing him inside and out.

Eisuke did what he did best. He cried. He cried, he cried and cried some more. People who didn't know him gave the poor boy judging looks for such a rude display of emotion. Even his classmates looked annoyed. And he couldn't bare to see Ran.

It became too much. Eisuke ceased in his attempts to act normal and locked himself away. At home, no one could judge or be bothered by him. It was best for everyone.

Eisuke didn't remember how long he was shut in his house. Days, a week maybe, he closed the windows so no one would see how pathetic he was. If anyone could drown in their tears, it would definitely be Eisuke. And when he cried to the point of being unable to cry anymore, hitching his breath as he struggled for air, his head throbbing like someone was knocking, he thought about-

CRACK, SMASH.

Suddenly everything was bathed in light, temporarily blinding him as his eyes blinked to absorb. Where the light emerged, came an Angel in a blue school girl uniform, with a horn adorned on her head and a sad look on her face.

"Eisuke-kun… Where have you been?"

Eisuke couldn't stand it. He turned his body around back into the darkness. This was true pain, she couldn't see him like this, why wouldn't she go away? She was the one whose opinion he thought the most of in the world with Hidemi dead and he couldn't stand being humiluated like this. Especially in front of her.

What a useless guy he was! He couldn't look strong to the person he fell in love with like cherry blossoms falling from the sky… He would understand if she just left him here to rot and have a happy life with Shinichi. She was calling his name but he didn't respond, too heartbroken to open his eyes.

Somehow, his palm hairs triggered the idea that she was going to touch his face. Recoiling like he was being hit with hot water, he covered his face in fear. Gently, a tantamount to her control, she peeled his hands away and put a rag to his messy face.

Finally he open his eyes, amazed by the way Ran and the world had lit up, almost like fireworks in the night sky.

Eisuke was struck dumb by this surprising amount of compassion. Briefly he thought that she was here to beat him up, one of those mad thoughts you have when your completely gobsmacked.

But no… Her posture wasn't aggressive in the least. She didn't have condescending pity in her eyes either. It looked like pure remorse, as if she somehow had a part in his tragedy.

It reminded him of Hidemi, in a way, the bloom quietly scraping Ran's face away and replacing it with his sisters. Just like that her face was gone, but somehow he could feel her presence watching over the both of them.

No… Eisuke-kun don't hide your sadness. You have a right to be sad… Just please come back to school… We miss you. Ran's voice broke on the last sentence, tears streaming down her face, yet her smile made it all seem worth it.

But the tears made her smile seem twisted and grotesque, Eisuke couldn't stand it, so he tried to get ahold of himself as best he could. "Ran-san…" Eisuke said slowly, not wanting to hurt his friend anymore, "Please don't cry over me. I'm not worth it, I am a bad detective, a horrible brother and a pathetic man. I don't want to bother you or anyone else- Oh!"

Suddenly Eisuke was pushed into a suffocating hug. His body went slack and he couldn't fight back. In the end this was what he wanted more then anything.

"Eisuke-kun… Please don't talk like that! You are not pathetic or weak, and if anyone says otherwise I'll beat them up! It's not your fault Hidemi died, it was whoever murdered her. If your afraid of crying in front of other people, then cry in front of me…"

Eisuke couldn't help it. It was just too much for him. Bawling, he smothered himself in Ran's shoulder, too emotional to be constrained by the intimate touch.

When he was done, he noticed he had gotten snot on her school uniform. He scooted away embarrassed, pulling a sort of reverse crabwalk. Ran looked down on her shoulder and twinkled a odd smile while closing her eyes pointing at his drab t-shirt.

It had her drool on it.

Their tears turned into laughter just like that, as Ran got up smiling with her hand outstretched to pull him up back into the light.

Suddenly Ran tripped on nothing as Eiskue usually did. Panicking, Eisuke clutched on to her hips while Ran grabbed onto his chest. Suddenly aware of how much body contact that was occuring, they quickly apologized to each other, blushing and running out the door to school, with Eisuke finally returning to the light, never to acknowledge the long shallow dark behind him.

Ever since that day, Eisuke had a dream he knew was peevishly selfish. It was being with Ran Mouri for the rest of her life, making her so happy she wouldn't cry again.

Something light had landed on his forehead. Eisuke grimaced, a squeal erupting out of his mouth.

Please don't let it be what he thought it was…

But it wasn't. It was too solid and soft to be one. Eisuke gingerly clutched it with its index and thumb, before putting the object in front of his face.

A cherry blossom petal.

Eisuke looked up, finally noticing the beauty surrounding him. Hundreds of cherry blossoms and cotton fell from the trees, some of it drifting from place to place to place as it glided along the wind. It gave the perfect blue sky into a twinge of color other then the puffy clouds, the sun reflecting off of them like dew on the grass after a short rain.

Eisuke didn't know why he was crying. Maybe it was his allergies. But right now all he could think about was what he could perceive right in front of him. So brief, so beautiful, so short like life itself

It made him think about Conan-kun.

The proof of how pathetic he really was, made itself shown by how easily his affections were eclipsed by a six year old. If Eisuke couldn't compete with a young child, then how could he win over Ran Mouri from Shinichi Kudo?

At first Eisuke thought it was just a usual child being overprotective of his Nee-san. Conan had a crush on her- That didn't need a supercomputer to figure out. However, he soon got more and more suspicious.

For starters how could a six year old be that smart? Eisuke wasn't a idiot. No matter how many times other people brushed him off, Eisuke knew that he was faking it. His thoughts at first verged on the absurd, the kafkaesque, before witnessing how much Conan truly held Shinichi in high regard, always finding excuses for him when he was being criticized

It was clinched. Shinichi was helping him, using Conan as a go between to look out for Ran, using his admiration to for him to take advantage of the poor lad.

He would have been pissed if Shinichi hadn't shown up afterword.

It was a case at a mystery tour in Kyoto. Shinichi wasn't supposed to be there but he might have caught win of it from Conan.

He wouldn't have minded if Shinichi and Ran had just ignored him and spent all their time together. After all they were closer. But it seemed that Shinichi was having trouble accepting that he was in the friendzone.

Ran's best friend derided him constantly, just like Conan did. That was weird but Ran did say they were cousins, Maybe they were close. But near the end of the tour, Shinichi asked to talk to Eisuke alone.

Cold rushed through his body, swishing down to his heart. Gulping, he silently followed Shinichi, expecting to be murdered. Florlesant lights from neon signs beamed down on him as if he was being looked down upon by a thousand eyes.

Finally they made it to a barren empty lot of land in between a hotel and a bar which somehow seemed to have a contest on which one was the most uncouth in appearance and manner of guest. Suddenly, he spoke.

"I want you to stay away from Ran." It was what he expected, so he couldn't be surprised. But it seemed unfair.

"What? Why?"

Oddly enough, Eisuke didn't quite remember what Shinichi said at this point. If it had been hurtful, then why wouldn't he blacked out

Eisuke sighed, somehow calm. "I know… But you're not really a good friend to her either, are you Kudo-san? At least I intend to come back."

Eisuke didn't know who was more surprised that he said that, him or Shinichi. Incensed, Shinichi glared at him but Eisuke wasn't going to let him get the last word.

"I know that you are lying to her. I'm thinking you stumbled on something dangerous. Judging from you behavior and the clues you and Ran presented, that it's probably some sort of Boryokudan. Is that right?" He said nothing but his body language answered yes anyway.

"That's why you didn't return immediately after Tropical Land isn't it? That's why you want your name kept out of the paper. Are you on the run, Kudo-san? If so why are you endangering all that you care about?"

Shinichi had the countenance of a pouty child. "Like how your sister died protecting you?"

Eisuke whimpered.

Empathy appeared on Shinichi's face the moment he said it. But once the gates of hell are unleashed, you can no longer ignore the demons behind you.

Eisuke froze like a deer in headlights, feeling like a fly who had following a spinning finger. He certainly didn't expect that, which made it made the bursting of painful memories even more painful. And it was do to Shinichi being a horrible liar.

Wha- You knew! You knew where my sister was this whole time? Tears foamed up in his eyes.

"Eisuke-"

"Why didn't you tell me! Why didn't you protect her? You know she was danger this whole time but you did nothing to help her? WHY?" Eisuke sobbed.

Please, I didn't know that she wasn't a true member until it was too late! I tried but I couldn't save her her… Shinichi begged, his face pleading for forgiveness. If I could do it again, I-I-I..."

Shinichi turned his head away, looking regretful. Trying and failing to avoid his gaze, Shinichi eyes were full of shame. The only the pierced through Eisuke's hiccuping and Shinichi's breathing were the sounds of life all around the both of the young teens. In an effort to break the silence but when he tried to tenderly touch Eisuke's shoulder, he pushed him away.

Shinichi Kudo… Eisuke said carefully before exploding, You are a coward!

Shinichi looked genuinely shocked but Eisuke wasn't finished

You think me of all people has a chance with her? No, this isn't about protecting Mouri-chan. This is about you!

Shinichi face darkened. What do you mean this is about me? The detective said, gritting his teeth.

Eisuke laughed uncontrollably. The chuckle had a cruel sardonic bite that looked as if it mawed Shinichi severely. "Let me explain it to you Kudo-san. I'm guessing whatever you stumbled on, no matter how powerful it is, you think that you can take it on yourself. And the only reason you haven't gone to the police is because you want the glory of defeating them yourself.

Shinichi glowered, snarling. You idiot you don't understand what I'm up against! People have died! Ran will die if I-

Don't you dare say you're doing this for her! If you did you would have been here to protect her! There is no difference between keeping it a secret and telling her the truth. She's in danger either way…

"If they don't know where I am then she can't be hurt you dumbass! What is so hard for you to understand? I'm not doing because I want to!

For the first time since they had met, Shinichi's cocksure confidence was gone. He actually appeared to be on the verge of tears. Once that would have made Eisuke pause. But he wasn't done yet.

"Do you really believe that, Kudo-kun?" He whispered, quiet as a mouse, Because I think you are lying to yourself.

Mad, Shinichi pushed him against the wall, a odd look in his face. Shinichi's gaze was ingrained with rage and fear. If looks could kill Eisuke would probably be deader then Rasputin. But still he continued on, standing his ground and making sure he'd have the last word.

Shinichi, he said his voice a nervous squeak yet still surprising the other peer, how are you protecting those you care about?

Shinichi's grip loosened, a glint of confusion emerging out of his orbs. What?

"Answer the question!" Eisuke forced himself to screech, scalding his frayed nerves as his voice of protest nearly croaked. "Because from what I see, you're barely doing everything at all. In fact…" Eisuke didn't know whether he would come to regret to say what he said, yet unbidden, it came echoing out of his lips, "I think your approach has not gotten more people killed but it has put Ran in even more danger."

He heard the slap before he felt it but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. Tears came gushing out of his eyes but still some queer form of courage propelled him to continue. So slowly, he got down from his knees, raising himself up with his left arm.

Once he stood, he was face to face with him, who was glaring out of his sockets.

"SHUT UP! If _you_ can do a better job then why don't you? It's because you're a coward! I know it since the first time I met you. So tell me oh wise one how would you protect HER! Go ahead tell me your great pla-"

"Witness protection."

It was less then a whisper yet somehow it resounded and dinned through Shinichi's ears none the less. Stricken, Shinichi's tirade was abruptly ended.

"I would put her and everyone else I cared about through witness protection. But you can't do that because you can't let her go. It's the same reason why you are so mean to me. No matter what, any person who falls in love with her and isn't you is worst then a murderer."

"Now tell me, are you using Conan-Kun?" Shinichi suddenly clutched his chest, as if his heart was breaking in two. Angry, Eisuke grabbed him by the shirt, and a sullen Shinichi calmly confessed.

Shocked at the way Shinichi brazenly confessed to using a child, Eisuke punched him in the face

"Conan is a child! He may be smart but he still has the body of a kid. What if Conan-kun isn't there to save her! She's been in danger so many times how can he be there every time." Eisuke's voice got low. "Kudo-kun… If you really cared about either you would focus on one and forgo the other."

That hit home. Shinichi's face fell, all somber as he absorbed the information. Then he ran away and Eisuke could only let himself remember so much about it without the pain becoming too much and crying in public. Tan-Grey moth's followed him, another creature escaping into the night.

As he walked out of the lot he came across Ran, panicking that she couldn't find Conan. Eisuke stupidly thought about telling her what he said to Shinichi. Then he saw Ran, all the righteous fury was gone. He would keep his mouth shut and take it to his grave.

And a week later, Shinichi and Conan vanished. The rest was just torturous, bloody history.

.

.

.

"Heh, heh, heh." Suddenly Eisuke heard thunderous cackling that cut through the air like a knife. Color all around Eisuke seemed to dull and darken. This was the time of the day he always dreads.

Honestly this was basically high school all over again. Eisuke was starting to consider the fact that there was no such thing as a true adult. Sure they all received freer reign but there were still cliques, still popularity contests, still bullies…

It was not like he or his friends were exactly as emotionally mature as a true adult. In some ways they were just highschoolers with new responsibilities. But surely terrible things like this wouldn't happen, now that he was almost a adult?

But the Kami always liked to flip their coin in everyone else's favor. From people, all the way to his own shoelaces, bad luck followed him wherever he went.

These particular jerks were a familiar bunch. They were basically Yankii but with more free times on their hands. Teen hoodlums who never quite outgrew their rebellious phase were much derided by society and he could see why. Then again, this was the same society that blamed Ran for not protecting Conan, so in the end it was just a smokescreen for the prim and proper to judge everyone else.

Koiji, Orochi, and Shinzo here were just the more obvious. Some of the rich kids that were descended from Noble Families acted cruel and capricious to everyone, thinking of them as objects. But oddly, they passed by him, taking care to step on the grass despite the sign forbidding it.

With a sigh of relief, Eisuke got up from the bench and went to a vending machine.

"So which one of us is going to be the first to take her virginity?"

Eisuke immediately ran into the vending scene, tumbling over and rubbing his head. What? Are they seriously talking about _that_ in public! Eisuke blushed, trying to cover his enormous virgin ears. While it was untrue that he was gay or didn't have any… Uh, interest like the rumors about him said, he still didn't like it when people talked about it in the open like that!

"Heh, heh you'd be surprised how few truly innocent college girls there are! Especially one's as hot as her." Eisuke stood up, not to chastise the boys, but to run away as far as he could from the conversation, hopefully lock a few doors behind him as well.

"Wasn't she Kudo's girl? Do you really want his sloppy seconds?" Eisuke suddenly paused, petrified and listening intently.

"Nah! You heard the stories, she didn't get with him very far because he was murdered." Eisuke didn't scream, he didn't cry, he didn't yelp, he just listened, somehow detached from his emotions. His hands were being held in trembling fists.

"Nah you know what her father did? Apparently he liked the Kid Killer a bit _too_ much if you catch my drift? Maybe she takes after him-

Eisuke turned his face behind him, the feminine emasculine features of his face twisted in rage. Stomping towards them, they flashed a psychotic grin causing Eisuke to stop. Now in arms length, they pulled him by the shirt, readied a fist and-

"Hmm?" A familiar but welcome voice exclaimed.

Moving like their limbs were inconvenient Goldberg machines, limp and in a mad stupor, they saw the smiling figure of Sera Matsumi, wearing a sleeveless cutoff Bruce Lee T-shirt and Khaki shorts. It was amazing how much that crooked smile of her's was akin to a snake bearing it's fangs.

When she first got here, the three were the most likely to call her a lesbian and try and grope her. Then Koiji was thrown through a vending machine, Orochi got his face stuck in the toilet of the women's restroom and Shinzo… Well… Eisuke didn't often like to think about what happened to Shinzo.

Thankfully Eisuke didn't have time to ponder that as Sera was either dragging Eisuke in a fatal way or was trying to murder him. Either way Eisuke wouldn't be surprised. When Ran wasn't here to protect him, Sera was more then a capable replacement. Honestly, Sera was everything he wished to be: confident, happy, an individual instead of just another coward. They had bonded over their surprising similarities and not counting Ran, Sera was his closest friend.

And to tell the truth, Eisuke would rather have Sera save him then Ran. No offense to Sera but Eisuke felt less ashamed when she came to his rescue. And given Sera's lack of… Bust, he could just imagine she was a boy and feel less ashamed.

Ok, he couldn't do that because Sera's chest had grown slightly bigger. Maybe if told her she would let him go, or more likely she would beat him to death like Bruce Lee did to Chuck Norris.

Still he had to try or would suffocate to death. Sera was talking cheerfully but given that he was aspyxiating and had one ear in her armpit, he couldn't make it out. But he didn't get the chance because they had arrived, with Eisuke

Sonoko's room in Tohto was odd. It kinda reminded him of Neapolitan ice cream. On one side were drab white walls with Karate posters and shelves holding weight, dumbells, philosophy books and other martial arts gear. But directly on the middle, the room was split into pink walls with J-pop posters, printed images of models and stuffed animals. It was a wonder Makoto kept sane.

Sonoko was doing her nails with a frustrated look on her face. It looked like she wanted her nails to match but had run out of same color and was trying to mix them with negative results. When she looked up at them, she sighed and revealed a sad look on her face.

Their faces fell. "What's wrong?" Sera asked, while Eisuke sadly remembered what day it was.

"Ran's at her house. Today's the anniversary." She let that sit in the air as silence was the only response that could be allowed. It was just like her to remember that Somehow, this gave Eisuke a sense of shame. He didn't know why…

After a minute of awkward silence, she changed the subject, putting more emotion in her voice. "By the way did the both of you prepare for the trip tommorow?"

Sera suddenly had an embarrassed look in her face, closing her eyes and making excuses while Eisuke hung his head in shame, realizing that he lost all of his money.

Sonoko, rolled her eyes. Sera-chan you pack your things. And Eisuke-kun…" She stared at him until he was forced to look her in the eye.

"...Hai?"

"I already paid for your ticket so I don'r want any excuses as to why you couldn't go. I'm keeping it with me so you don't lose it like you always do you baka." Sonoko smiled.

Eisuke was too relieved for words. But Sonoko wasn't done.

"Also here." She pulled out a crumpled piece of notebook paper from her pocket. When he uncurled the parchement, his heart skipped a beat. On the top was the title What Ran Would Love You For Giving Her. At the top of the list, above other material items, was Eisuke Hondou.

Eisuke looked at her baffled and in return Sonoko smirked. "What? Surprised that we're friends? I know I don't show it that often but think of it this way. If you break Ran's gift, I'll make you dress in a maid uniform and cat ears. She worries too much about you, you know?"

Eisuke's face pulsed with crimson, wagging his head from side to side, wiggling his hands in protest, causing Sonoko and Sera to laugh.

"He would look good as good as Sailor Mercury." Sera agreed, much to Eisuke's chagrin.

 _Et tu, Sera-chan?_ Eisuke hadn't been more horrified in his life. With a pair of evil grins following him hungrily, he tried to muster as much courage as he could, walk out as coolly as possible like a real man-

Eisuke proceeded to run like a little girl. Then he tripped, how surprising. Before he fell to the ground, the girls locked their arms around his arms, got super close to his sides and…

"CHEESE!" Both of them said cheerfully, in broken english.

A bright flash of light suddenly made him feel dizzy. _A selfie_ , he registered dumbly but also in complete bliss, _they wanted a selfie because I always close my eyes._ He laughed like a giddy madman, before falling down.

It didn't matter though. His friends were right back to pick him up.

.

.

.

Happier then he had felt for a while, Eisuke returned home, whistling tunelessly. As he looked into the mirror brushing his teeth, a stray thought was now penetrating from deep in his Id.

That thought was always edging from the back of his mind. Now it had become wedged free and thawed, flushing through brainstem to cerebellum.

Even in the day's that Conan had gone missing, he was more focused on Ran then finding Conan. More specifically, a small part of him, a truly niggling and cruel part of his being that he was disgusted by, hoped that he wouldn't return.

It wasn't as if he didn't care about either of them as human life was a precious thing that shouldn't be snuffed out. Maybe he should have spent more time actually searching for Conan. Looking at himself, confused as to why he was realizing this now, Eisuke finally understood why.

Of all the people involved in that damn travesty, he was the one least effected. Ran's tears may have felt like he was getting whipped but other then that how did it change him? He was still the same parasite, too weak and pathetic to survive without leeching on his friends.

When he looked at the mirror, he didn't see his face but the face of highschool Eisuke, unchanged but for height. All the other faces that passed him by had changed either getting more beautiful or aged.

Eisuke's eyes suddenly expanded and his mouth suddenly opened wide,

He could see Shinichi in the rain, begging him not to tell- Conan-Kun running-

"Ah!" Suddenly he fell, taking the running faucet with him. He hit the back of his head, saw the light flickering on and off, and his clothes became sodden with sink water.

Eisuke registered one thing. The truth was those memories were always a lie.

All these years, Eisuke had been keeping this secret, choosing to remember the parts that made him look better, for what? Out of obligation? Kindness? Jealousy? He told himself that it wasn't true, that it was impossible.

He didn't go to Ran. Ran had found him passed out after fainting. Exactly why, his brain wouldn't let him know.

Why couldn't he remember? Did what he see crack the case? If any of his memories were real, what then? Did he say something that got Shinichi Kudo killed, that caused him to be less careful, to make Conan disappear? Was he responsible for the love of his life's pain and suffering?

Was he really this selfish, keeping what he knew from her because of love… Or jealousy at Conan and Shinichi? He was right, he was a coward. Did getting close to Ran meant that he could walk over the misery of a child like that, forget about him, to replace their place in her heart?

In the end all the happiness he received, every truly good thing he had gotten since, highschool, had come at the expense of someone else's joy.

Shinichi's… Ran's… Conan's… All three of them had lost themselves while he was pursuing the light over the horizon, reaching out to grasp a star. Had he pushed all of them away selfishly?

Maybe he wasn't unlucky. Maybe he had finally hit the jackpot. But all that came of it was dragging everyone else down to prevent himself from sinking.

One of the times he wished that tears would leave his sockets, and his body failed to comply.

...

 **Not much to say. I can't believe how happy I was when I first wrote this chapter. This is all leading up to something don't worry! Other then that, here's the music I listened to while composing this! I've been meaning to do this for a while and instead of me telling you where the music goes I think I'll allow you to choose.**

 **Emil's Sacrifice/Repose-Nier**

 **Heavens Night/Letters/Forest-Silent Hill 2**

 **Nagisa/Shining In The Sky-Clannad**

 **It's the right time-Parasyte: The Maxim**


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